


Without You

by BlairDrakko



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: AU Prime Universe, Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Extremely Dubious Consent, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, MECH, Memory Loss, Rape/Non-con Elements, Science Experiments, Sexual Content, Slow To Update, Sticky Sexual Interfacing, Transformers as Humans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2019-10-14 03:57:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 41,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17501093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlairDrakko/pseuds/BlairDrakko
Summary: Theo Jones awoke from a coma two years ago. He had no memories of his past life, no identity, no one came for him, but with the selfless assistance of one man named Alexander he fought through it all, and made the best of the life he has now faced with.Just as he seems to be set in accepting his new fate, his new life, messages from the past finally come to him. Messages that promise answers to his violent past, answers to his scarred body, his ill fitting humanity, his nightmares, and dreams.One from an mysterious caller, and the other from a silver haired man that's name has both haunted and entranced him for the past two years.Who will he believe, will he find the answers he has longed for for so long, and what will all of this mean for the family that took him in when he was nothing but a lost soul?





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all. I dunno what I am doing, but I figured I would dabble. :) Lemme know whatcha think? I love input, and have never done a human/ transformers tale. Yay, umm sorry for errors, enjoy?

Theo Jones groaned as his alarm clock continued its endless beeping next to his head. Normally he was one for being up long before the alarm would even go off, it had been a trait he held since he had awoken from his coma two years ago.

 ** _One small thing I got to carry over from my past life, I guess._** He thought to himself as a cough shook his body, and he groaned as he reached his hand out to shut the terrible noise off.

“You know, you shouldn’t go to work today. Your fever was pretty high last night.” Alexander called to him from the bathroom that connected to his bedroom, and he smiled appreciatively at his lover’s concern.

When Theo had awoken from his coma he had had a terrible case of amnesia. He hadn’t remembered the slightest thing about his life before he had ended up in that hospital bed and, as could be expected, that had been a rather terrifying experience.

He had awoken suddenly one day, much to the doctors’ and nurses’ surprise, and was immediately faced with the reality that he knew nothing about himself. He knew nothing of how he got there, what happened to scar his body so badly, and why he didn’t even know much about how to function as a human.

It had been a terribly confusing and fearful time in which he would have struggled through it all alone had it not been for his wonderfully patient nurse Alexander. The older man had helped him through it all, the confusion, the questions, _and_ the nightmares that haunted him.

He could never remember what horrors took him every night but for weeks, _months_ and even sometimes now, after he woke up from his coma he would scream himself into consciousness. Sometimes he would call out odd names or sometimes cry out in different tongues, another ‘gift’ of his past self. Alexander would also tell him how he would speak in strange clicking noises, and squeals or chirps. It had all just added to his confusion and fears, but through it all he had blessedly had his newfound lover with him.

Theo knew that were it not for the older man he would have left that hospital with nothing, no identity, no memories, life, money, path, _nothing_.

The hospital that he had been brought to after being found; naked and beaten in the eastern forests of Massachusetts, U.S.A., had tried to discover who he was during those two months they had him. They had taken blood samples, fingerprints, but still he remained a John Doe, and no one ever came looking for him.

In a way that had hurt Theo’s heart and made him question things further. Had he been such a terrible person that no one would come looking for him? _No one..._

No family, no friends, no enemies even… Given that he had an already daunting list of questions, that he had been found so beaten, apparently stabbed and torn into so badly he almost died, but that no one, _no one_ came looking… It has weighed heavily upon his already aching heart.

Theo groaned once more, rubbing at his aching head before reaching for the medicine that sat next to him on his nightstand. He smiled as he thought about how, in the beginning, he hadn’t even known the most simplistic of things; how to open a bottle of medicine, (apparently there was such a thing as a child proof cap) or how to put on shoes, even dressing himself felt alien to him. Alexander had helped him through it all, bless his heart, and even took him in after it all.

Theo was eternally grateful for the other man’s generosity and at first it had only been a friendly relationship between the two of them, but as the months, then first year passed, they found something growing between them, and soon after had their first kiss.

Theo chuckled ignoring the pain that throbbed in his processor… **_No, arrrgh damnit! Why do I continue to call it that?_**

He frowned as he swiftly opened the bottle, took two pills out and swallowed them without water. His vocabulary, beyond his knowledge of numerous languages, was also something he had had trouble with Sometimes he would call his hands servos, or head a helm, heart a spark… All crazy, _strange_ words that constantly frustrated him in his recovery, but with his lover’s patience learned to accept that he would just have to give himself time, and things would sort out eventually.

There was a clatter outside of their bedroom door, a small squeal before the door knob began to turn.

Theo smiled as he braced himself for what was coming, “Incoming…” He called to his mate before the door burst open and Alexander’s six year old ‘daughter’ Tawny ran in with a roar. The girl was actually Alexander’s sister’s child, but after her struggle with heroine resulted in jail time, Tawny had been taken from her mother’s care. It wasn’t soon after that Alexander had adopted the little one when she was only two years old.

Alexander was an excellent father, but given his profession he had been gone a lot, and had struggled to care for the young girl, well, until Theo came into their lives. Now the three of them worked beautifully together, each working through each other’s odd schedules and always making time for the three of them to have family moments.

“OHHHH NOOO!” Theo cried out as he hid under the blankets, ignoring his headache as he pretended to be afraid of the scrawny monster.

“You are dooooomed!” She giggled, pausing her charge as she struggled to crawl up the far taller bed. “Wait, hold on… Pretend I didn’t start yet.”

Theo chuckled as he patiently waited for the monster to make her way up the end of the bed. “Are you ready yet?” He asked gently, moving to peek out from under the blanket.

“NO! Don’t peek! I… I.. OK, NOW you are DOOMED!”

Theo had regrettably unfurled his body a bit as he waited for her attack, so when a sudden and surprisingly heavy weight slammed into his torso he grunted at the impact.

“Ugggh… Gosh Tawny. How does such… Ahhh, a little thing like you weigh so…” Theo started breathlessly but the little girl just giggled and roared as she climbed all over him.

“And I bite you there, and there… Why aren’t’ you dying!?” She complained, her little hand jabbing at him from above the blanket.

Theo fought to breath as he made not entirely fake, moans of pain. “Uhhhh, noo… I am being devoured!”

“Tawny…” Alexander’s voice sounded from the bathroom once more, “Theo doesn’t feel very good, sweetie. Please, be gentle?”

Theo chuckled as he allowed his head to poke out over the blanket. “It is alright, Alexander. I am well enough for this.” He winked at his mate, but the older man just rolled his eyes and continued to brush his teeth.

Theo smiled broader as he looked over at his lover. He had to admit he wasn’t very well versed on what made people attractive or not, and he certainly didn’t have a preference on people’s physical appearances. Alexander was a tall man, thirty eight years old compared to the estimated late twenties Theo was, so he wasn’t _old_ just older. He was originally born in the country of Greece, and had a wonderfully tan color to his skin, deep black hair, and a bit of an accent so, to many he would be considered very handsome, but that wasn’t what pulled Theo to him, it was his kind heart, and vastly intelligent mind.

Not only had the man taken him in and helped rebuild him from the ground up, but he had illustrated his capacity for patience, kindness, love, and honor numerous times. All of which Theo felt very strongly about, evidently.

“Did I hurt you?” Tawny’s little voice was filled with concern as she looked over Theo’s hidden body but he just laughed. “No little one, I am alright.” He smiled brightly at her, his eyes sparkling as she giggled and curled into him.

“I love you Theo. I never wanna hurt you.” She said as she snuggled her head against him.

“I love you too, Tawny.” He said gently as he brought his arms out and hugged her.

“Alright you two,” Alexander called to them before moving to the end of the bed. He wore that wonderfully soft smile as he looked down at the two of them, “Tawny, you need to get dressed and Theo, you really _should_ stay home. You have the hours, don’t you? Ha, what am I saying, you never miss work.”

Theo groaned as he reached for his cell phone, “I am uncertain, did I not take some time when your mother went into the hospital? It was either that or when the shelter needed more volunteers last snow storm. Either way, I know Thomas was concerned about…”

“Why do you call Tom, Thomas?” Tawny asked as she looked up at him, her big dark eyes staring at him curiously.

Theo frowned, “Oh, umm, I am uncertain young one. I suspect it is the same reason I call your father Alexander other than Alex. It just seems to be more respectable?”

The child frowned, her face scrunched in thought before she shrugged and moved towards the end of the bed. “Ok!” She said before crawling back down and with an airplane sound _zoomed_ off to get dressed.

Both of the men laughed as they listened to her vocal retreat. “You really should stay home.” Alexander said, moving over to place his hand on Theo’s forehead.

“I am well. I promise, Alexander. It is only a simple cold.” Theo said lightly, as he forced himself to sit up.

The older man hummed thoughtfully before looking at his lover more seriously, “You called out that name again last night, you know, the _complicated_ one.”

Theo sighed as he rubbed his head, willing his head to stop aching. “Megatron? I am sorry, Alexander. I wish I understood…”

He was stopped as his mate suddenly leaned forwards and pulled him into a tight hug. “Never apologize to me Theo, _never_. I just, I wish I could help you more.”

Theo scoffed as he held the other man close. “You have helped me in ways I never deserved, Alexander. Please do not chastise yourself for not being able to fix all of me.” He sighed suddenly as he noticed how tightly his mate was holding him. “It, it was a _bad_ dream then?”

Alexander held him tighter, “I wish I could take all of your screams away, Theo." The older man whispered. "I hate whatever that Megatron did to you, and I much prefer the dreams where they are, nicer.”

Theo blushed slightly, his head turning to look at the window that adorned the far wall in their room. Megatron, or Megatronus  as he called him sometimes, had always been a powerful influence to his dreams and even though he didn’t remember what he dreamt, his poor mate had to listen to all of his screams, or… _longing._

The older man seemed to sense his embarrassment and he pulled away with a light chuckle, “Hey, I’d much rather hear you wishing for him than… Well… Arrrgh, anyways,” Alexander squeezed him tightly once more before kissing his cheek and moving to stand, but Theo pulled him in close, pressing his lips to the other man’s firmly.

Alexander moaned, his body moving in closer as he opened his mouth to allow Theo’s tongue to slip between his lips.

Theo wrapped his arms around his mate, pulling his head closer as their kiss deepened. He had only recently become comfortable enough with his own body and Alexander’s really, to begin to explore their relationship on a more physical level.

He wasn’t against the intimacy _exactly_ but much like his confusion about what made people attracted to one another physically, it just wasn’t something he considered. As always he was awed by his lover’s patience with his oddities, and found himself thanking any god that was out there for gifting him with the man but...

Theo didn’t really feel the need for physical contact, but he didn’t want to take that away from this wonderful man. So, so _slowly_  he worked through his own fears, and discomforts to give his mate what he could.

Yes they had kissed when they began their relationship but it had been just a small peck, and they hadn’t moved far beyond that, and Theo aimed to change that… Step by step.

Finally the two pulled apart, Alexander’s deep brown eyes hazy looking as he smiled down at Theo. “Wow, that was…”

Theo smiled up at him, his brilliant eyes shining as he appreciated the childish smile on the other’s face. “Nice?” He asked shyly, and the older man laughed at him.

“Oh Theo… Anything involving you is nice. That, _that_ was _incredible_.” He smirked before standing. “I need to get Tawny to school. Please take it easy today, and tell Tom if he over works you I will personally beat him into the ground.”

Theo laughed as he watched his mate walk towards the bedroom door. “I thought as a medic you took a vow to do no harm?”

Alexander chuckled over his shoulder, “We try not to but here is no _vow_ involved, I assure you of that.”

Theo shook his aching head as he stood and made his way over to the bathroom. As he began his morning routine he stopped before the mirror and looked at himself yet like every day, only saw a stranger staring back at him. Even after two years his reflection felt unknown and in so many ways, _wrong_.

He lifted his hand to his caramel colored skin, slowly bringing it upwards to his blue/ black hair and back down again.

To many it would seem his heritage came from the eastern nations, looking far more Japanese than anything else, except for his blazing blue eyes.

His elven eyes, as Alexander described them, were an unnatural shade of blue, and almost seemed to glow in his reflection, yet, for all their radiance they always seemed to have a hint of sadness to them. He wasn’t certain, but he thought perhaps that shadow came from the life he no longer remembered, or whatever it may have been that he left behind.

Shaking his head, Theo took off his shirt, his eyes falling to his reflection once more as his numerous scars were then revealed. True, he also had scars on his arms, and face, but those on his torso…

Whatever he did before the coma had obviously been tough, and dangerous. That fact was not only illustrated in his marred flesh, but also his unnatural gift to fight.

Since he had first sprung from his hospital bed, his body tense and set for battle, he had known his past included violence. Not only had it included violence but as the months went on, he discovered he was very, _very_ used to a life of unexpected attacks and there had been numerous mornings he woke after his nightmares with a battle cry, just to need Alexander to calm him, and talk him down from the chaos that filled his sp… heart.

Theo sighed as he turned and started the shower, shaking his head to clear it from his past concerns. So much had improved over time; his understanding of the world around him, his speech, mannerisms, his acclimation to even resembling a normal person, and slowly his dreams. It seemed as time passed he was finally becoming a part of this world and forgetting whatever wretched past he had suffered through before all of this.

As he undressed the rest of the way and stepped under the glorious heat of the hot spray he smiled. **_I belong here, damnit. It has been enough time, and I am tired of questions. I have a wonderful family, a decent job, and hope. It is time that I stop focusing on the past, and turn to look only towards the future. Everything is as it should be, I know that, I know it in my spar…_**

He frowned, his hand going to his chest and rubbing it unconsciously. **_In my heart, I know it in… In my heart._**

**_………………._ **

By the time he got to work, Theo was coughing far more raggedly than he wanted to admit, and as he walked into the club it was well after noon.

“Hey Theo, where the Hell ya been?” Eddie’s voice called to him as he looked up from his newspaper.

Theo smiled at his coworker, coughing as he made his way to the locker room, “I apologize, Edward. I seem to be under the weather.”

The other bouncer huffed, “Ahhh, it ain’t like ya ever late anyways. I’m sure the boss won’t give ya too much shit.”

Theo smiled back at his friend before making his way to the back of the club, and opening the locker room.

Since he had no past, finding a job had been exceptionally difficult for him at first. He had no credentials, no social security number, nothing, thus when exploring the kinds of jobs he _could_ perform Theo had next to nothing for choices.

Without proof of even a high school degree his choices came down to crime, or odd jobs. So it was he found himself bouncing for one of Boston’s largest night clubs. It wasn’t the best job, and he saw far too many cruelties of the human race there, but he could at least save some people, and that seemed very important to him as well, even if it was on a small scale.

He may have been one of the smaller bouncers, but none of his work mates rivaled his athleticism, or negotiating skills. He was known for his strength and mind here, normally calming even the most belligerent drunks out of their foolishness, before calling a cab for them, and sending them home safely. Again, his work was not special, or extraordinary, but it was a small help for people that just wanted to escape their misery for a night, and he took pride in protecting that right for them.

As he changed to his night suit; a black shirt that was tight fitting in case of fights, looser black slacks for easy movement, and of course his radio he thought about his shift for the day. Tonight he would rely more on his mind than his strength, and days like this were his favorite. He smiled as left his bag in the locker room before making his way to Thomas’s office.

All in all he enjoyed working for his boss. Thomas was an odd man; kind but tough, and much like Alexander the man had given Theo a chance in a time not many others would. Thomas not only saw worth in his talent to fight, and negotiate, but also noticed his intelligence.

As a result of that the man hired Theo, _off the books,_ as the club’s book keeper, allowing Theo to handle finances, safety regulations, ordering, as well as many other managerial activities, and paying him well for all of it.

He valued Theo immensely, and Theo valued him, so their work relationship was one of mutual respect and need. It worked well for both.

When he knocked on the shinning wooden door to his boss’s office, he was immediately invited in with a grunt, and he rolled his eyes before entering. Thomas was a man of few words most times.

His boss was also what others would call a ‘clean freak’ meaning he made sure everything around him was constantly in order and cleanly. Theo didn’t see a problem with his obsessions like some of the other employees did. Thomas was in charge of well-established business, the fact that he cared so much about keeping it clean, and running smoothly was a good thing in his eyes. Who would want to go to a filthy nightclub anyways? There were plenty of nights the guests made sure to take care of that themselves. How they could just leave their trash, cigarettes, beer bottles, and sometimes even clothing, all over a place of business still amazed Theo. Humans could be very filthy, lazy creatures.

“Ahhh, Theo! Holy shit man, you look like Hell!”

Theo smiled as he looked over the shinning and orderly office to find his employer hunched over his desk studying the numerous pieces of papers there carefully.

He was older than Theo, perhaps in his early forties, and much like his establishment he took great care in his appearance. He had salt and peppered dark hair, pale skin that was always clean shaven, and a smile that was almost assuredly whitened constantly.

Everyone said the man was very handsome, but like always, Theo just couldn’t see beyond who Thomas was on the inside, so compared to Alexander he was _alright,_ he supposed.

“Ha, thank you Thomas. I will be alright.” Theo said confidently even though his coughing after he said it didn’t help his case.

The older man looked up, his brown eyes narrowing worriedly, “You know Alex will kill me if you collapse while you are at work.”

Theo laughed, “Yes, he did mention something about that earlier.”

The job with Thomas had not been any random choice for Theo, he had been directed to the man by Alexander, like everything else, in the beginning.

Apparently the two men had been a couple long ago but their personalities were far too different, and Thomas was far too involved with his business to let something trivial like _love_ get in the way of that, so they had split but remained fast friends.

When Theo needed a job and had no credentials except word of mouth, Alexander had immediately set him up with his old lover. Luckily, the clean cut employer trusted his mate’s opinion enough to take the chance on Theo, and was pleasantly surprised when it seemed to work out for both of them in the end.

Thomas grunted in response, turning his head back to his paper work, “Fine, we will see how you feel by the end of the night. If you are still hacking and pale as shit, you go home. Got it? I don’t need him getting on my ass about working you too hard.”

Theo nodded, “Deal.” He walked over to his mail box, grabbing a few of the files there before turning to head to his own smaller office when the other man stopped him with another grunt.

 “Wait, Theo. I almost forgot. Someone, someone called for you today. A man that said he…” The older man lifted his head, his eyes narrowing once more in concern. “He said he knew you, Theo, from before.” Thomas knew of Theo’s plight, well his coma and amnesia at least, so he understood what this meant to the younger man.

Theo felt his breathing cease as he stared at his boss with wide eyes, “W-what?” He asked breathlessly.

The other man nodded before digging into one of the drawers in his desk. “He left a number he could be reached at. Happened just before your shift was about to start, so instead of calling ya about it I figured I’d let you know in person.”

Theo walked numbly to his boss’s desk, his hand shaking as he took the card from the other man. He looked down at it, immediately noting the number looked to be from the local area code. **_Whoever gave this to him lives around here? Gods, is this… Could this mean… What could this mean!?_**

Thomas continued to look up at him, his lips drawn down in a frown as he thought, “Hey, umm, if you need to handle this today, I can have Jonny take over your shift, alright?”

Theo nodded, his voice still not quite working as he read the name on the card hoping beyond hope that it would jog his memory somehow, but all he saw was the very generic name Jon Smith written there, and he felt nothing come to him. “Ummm, alright, alright…” He said gruffly as he stared at the card like it was a lifeline he had been searching for his whole life.

He numbly moved to the office’s exit, his heart thundering in his chest as he opened the door.

“Ok, just let me know what you need, alright?” Thomas said before Theo left, him muttering a yes as he walked through the gleaming main room of the club to his office.

**_What could this mean? What do I do? Who could it be? Jon Smith? That is one of the most common names in… Arrrgh, I… I need to call Alexander!_ **

He found himself running suddenly, his breath coming in rapid gasps as he booked it to his office. When he got to the door it took him almost a full five minutes to unlock the door for his hands shaking so terribly.

When he finally got the wretched lock opened he threw the files onto the desk and immediately pulled out his cell phone and called his mate.

The young man paced the room as he waited for an answer, each ring leading him to the awful conclusion that Alexander may be too busy to answer when _finally_ he heard a click.

 “Hello handsome. How's your …” His mate started, but Theo never let him finish.

“ALEX, someone left a number. I mean there was a call, and someone… Well they…  I mean…” Theo started, his mind so full his words came out as a garbled mess, and he heard the other man shush him patiently.

“Shhh, ok, ok. Theo, slow down, alright? I can’t understand you handsome.” His mate said gently, and Theo forced himself to calm his breathing and aching heart.

“Someone _called_ , Alexander. Someone called the club and left a message for me! They said they KNOW ME!” Theo cried the last part, his control loosening once more as he said it all out loud.

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment, and Theo was afraid he had lost the connection when he heard his mate hum thoughtfully. “Alright. Did you call them yet?”

“NO! I didn’t know what to… I don’t know what…” Theo felt panic fill him, he was terrified to call the number; after so long of struggling with having no one, and nothing of his past life for this to finally happen, TWO YEARS after he had awoken!? It felt like it was too much.

“Heeey, it’s ok to be nervous. This, this is a big deal. Ok listen, I can’t leave right now, ummm do you want me there when you call?” Alexander asked softly, yet there seemed to be a hint of worry in his own voice.

“Yes, wait, no… I mean, I don’t know. Alexander, I, I am _terrified_.” Theo admitted, his eyes starting to burn as he forced himself to sit down.

His hands went up to his head as fought to keep from breaking down. “I’m terrified…” He whispered into the phone desperately wishing the older man was there with him now. Alexander had been his crutch to sanity, to life since he had awoken. His crutch _and_ his strength, and he needed that terribly at the moment.

“Ok. Listen, if you need to, you _call_ them, ok? I want you to do this as comfortably as possible. If you want to wait till tonight, then _wait._ ” Alexander said gently.

His mate’s smooth voice seemed to help calm his heart for a moment, as it always did after his terrible dreams, or moments of confusion, and Theo smiled appreciatively.

“Thank you, Alexander. Thank you. I… I am uncertain what I will do for now. Ummm…” He looked around his office, his mind reeling as he tried to figure out his next step. “I will call you when I, _if_ I… Arrrgh, I don’t know, I will call you later.”

The older man laughed gently on the other line, “Ok, listen Theo, I am here for you, alright? Whatever you chose. I lo… Uhhh, I need to go. Don’t panic, everything is alright, and I will see you when I make it home.”

Theo flinched slightly as he heard the other man stop himself from saying love, guilt filling his heart as he forced his voice to steady. “Ok, I will see you then. Umm, thank you again Alexander. You, you mean so much to me.” He said, his guilt for not being able to say love hanging heavily on his shoulders.

“You mean so _very_ much to me as well, Theo. Ok, I need to go. Call me later, and try to stay calm.” The older man’s voice was filled with concern, as well as longing.

Theo smiled nervously, “I will. Thank you… Have, have a good day.”

Alexander laughed, “Goodbye Theo.”

“Goodbye…” Theo clicked the end call button before sighing and leaning back in his chair, his head falling back as he stared at the ceiling above him.

His headache seemed to come back full force given the stress of everything that had occurred recently, and he felt terribly feverish. He closed his eyes, rubbing them as his mind spun with possibilities and fears.

Who could this Jon Smith be? Why did he take so long in contacting him? Was he a family member, enemy, lover, or could it be…

Theo sat up suddenly, his heart hammering even faster in his chest. “Megatron…” He whispered out raggedly, his whole body shaking as he stared at the card wildly. **_No, no it couldn’t be him. His name was Jon not… What kind of name is Megatron anyways? Maybe it’s a pseudo? Frag it all! I need to calm down, I need Alexander._**

He forced his feverish body to calm once more, as he tore his eyes from the cursed card and turned to his work. **_I will deal with this later. I can’t… I don’t… FUCK! Ok, focus Theo. Focus, get your work done and then deal with this._**

He sighed, taking the card and sticking it in his pants’ pocket before turning his _full_ attention on the files before him.

**_I can do this. Everything is fine, it will all be alright, it will… Won’t it?_ **

**_………….._ **

He lasted seven hours, seven hours before that accursed card felt like it was burning a hole through his pocket, and he couldn’t take it any longer.

At this point he felt like scrap anyways, his fever was back, his head pounding, and every time he coughed it tore through him like a small seizure. He was afraid that by the time he got out of work he would be too tired to deal with calling the mysterious Jon Smith, and he was afraid it would be too late to call him as well.

Though he wasn’t bouncing tonight, given it was a weekday and the club would be rather slow, he still wouldn’t get out of the club until nearly ten p.m. So calling anyone at that hour would be rather rude, mystery man or not.

He coughed hard as he tried to focus on what he was doing. They were already doing sound checks down stairs, so between the pounding in his head and the intermittent blasts of music it was hard to think. “Arrrgh… fine.” He mumbled as he stood.

He would have to make the call outside if he ever wanted to get a chance to focus on what he needed to, and though the streets of Boston weren’t very quiet, at least he could hope for at least a little less noise given that it was Tuesday.

Theo groaned as he made his way to the locker room, grabbing his coat before making his way outside. It was early December and already fairly frigid outside, his breath coming out in white wisps as he walked along the sidewalk away from his club’s entrance.

He smiled as he looked at the numerous Christmas decorations that now adorned the city’s streets. Blue and white lights were wrapped around every pole on this street, and Theo wondered why the city didn’t just leave the lights up all year as they created a beautiful display.

He coughed as he settled into one of the few alleys on his street, pulling out his phone with shaking hands. He wasn’t certain if he was shaking because of the cold or nerves as he pulled the card from his pocket and stared at the number.

It was there, right there… A tie to who he used to be, a tie to what he had been before all of this. He could discover answers to questions he had asked for two years, he could discover why he had so many scars, he could discover, EVERYTHING that had haunted his mind for so long SO WHY… Why wasn’t he calling?

His mind reeled with the implications that calling this Jon Smith could mean, or leave him with. Would he find out about his past, did he want to? Given his scars and ability to fight, was he some monstrous killer? He knew different languages as well, was he a spy like in the movies. Did he really want any of that to take over what he had with Alexander and Tawny? What if he was a horrible person? What if he…

He growled, coughing a bit as he did so when he realized he had been standing and staring at the card for far longer than he thought. He was freezing now, his ears, and hands feeling frigid and when he checked his phone he realized it had been almost an hour since he walked out.

**_Arrrgh, why am I being such a coward about this!? Just call, get your answers! It won’t change everything, hopefully it will just add to your life now. You AREN’T GOING TO LOSE ALEXANDER or TAWNY! They are your family now._ **

His coughing began to increase, his shoulders hunching from their force, and he chastised himself for being outside for so long. **_Arrrgh, Alexander is going to kill me for…_**

“You really shouldn’t be outside with a cough like that.” A voice called to him from the other end of the alley, and it startled Theo enough to not only cease his coughing for a moment, but he immediately dropped into his ingrained battle stance as he stared down the dark alley.

There was a short laugh as the owner of the voice began walking towards him. The man was huge, but more in a lithe kind of way. His body obviously fit, and he moved as gracefully as a dancer, or fighter would, but given his confidence, squared shoulders, and intimidating walk Theo figured the man was probably the latter.

As he came closer and his frame moved into the light of the street lamp Theo gasped as he openly stared at the man’s exotic visage. Short silver hair covered the man’s head, its silvery strands almost glowing under the street light. His face was pale and scarred but far younger than a man with silver hair should have worn and his eyes…

Theo felt his legs stumble back as he looked into those deep dark eyes. They appeared almost black except for the strange red highlights; the crimson layers seemed to glow in the low light of the alley and gave the man a feral look.

The stranger smiled as he approached, his perfect teeth shimmering under the numerous lights and his blazing eyes sliding over Theo’s body much like a predator appraising its prey’s worth. “I mean you no harm. You can relax.”

Theo blinked at the taller man, forgetting that he was still standing in his fighting stance, yet he was uncertain if he should relax in front of this man, if anyone could ever relax in front of him.

“W-what do you want?” Theo asked, his voice sounding far less intimidating than he had hoped it would.

The man tilted his head, his eyes rising to Theo’s wide ones, “I was looking for a particular building when I heard your awful hacking.”

Theo blushed, his eyes narrowing as he glared at the strange man, “Pfft, sorry to interrupt your stroll.” He mumbled out as he made to turn but nearly jumped out of his skin as the man suddenly grabbed his wrist and pulled him back.

Neither the hold, or tug was too forceful, but Theo couldn’t help but cry out as he was pulled closeer, his eyes growing wide once more as he stared fearfully up at the silver haired stranger.

“I apologize. I forget my own strength sometimes.” The man said, his brilliant smile falling to a frown of concern. “I was wondering if you could help direct me to where I need to go?”

Theo felt like he should kick the man in the balls and just be done with him. Who goes around just grabbing strangers and then asking for directions!? Yet as he opened his mouth, his retort right there on his tongue, he found himself frozen as he stared deeply into the larger man’s crimson eyes.

Now, being so close to the man, he felt an odd pull grow in his spa… heart as he looked at the him, a pull that both terrified him, and left him aching for more. As the city’s nighttime symphony played around them Theo felt himself falling into the seemingly endless depth that lay hidden within the larger man’s eyes and he realized, this man was beautiful to him.

Out of all the faces he had seen in these past two years, all the people he had met, he had never, ever seen physical beauty in any of them, not even Alexander really, but this man… This man was not only beautiful in Theo’s eyes, but stunningly so. **_He, he looks almost inhumanly beautiful…_**

The man smirked, and Theo blushed again as he tugged his arm away with a huff. “I can assist you if you need, but please do not grab my arm again.” He muttered out, rubbing his wrist after the larger man let it go. It didn’t hurt, not at all actually, he was really just trying to rid himself of the wonderfully warm feeling the other man’s firm hand had given him.

The man straightened, his smirk growing into that ridiculously charming smile, “I was looking for the establishment know as Club Blue.”

Theo felt his heart fall to his stomach, and he fought to keep his face neutral. **_Of course he is looking for my work…Can this night become_** ** _any more unusual?_** “Umm, yes it is just down the street here, on the right. They, they aren’t open though. You will need to wait until nine o’clock.”

The larger man nodded thoughtfully, his perfectly plump lips pursing as he did so, “Do you know the time?”

Theo pulled his eyes away from the other’s face painfully before looking down at his phone. “FRAG IT! It is almost TEN!?” When had that happened? How long had he been out here!? He had so much work to finish before he could go home, and his chance to call Jon Smith was now gone. He looked up to the mystery man, his eyes narrowing as he scanned over the man’s strange eyes. “Ummm, follow me, I will show you where to go.” He said begrudgingly before turning and walking out onto the main sidewalk.

The tall man smiled wider as he nodded and began following Theo. “Thank you.”

Theo huffed, his head reeling with everything that had happened today, his mystery caller, his sickness, this strange man and his foolish behavior when it came to… He began coughing once more, his chest aching with each ragged sound, and his head pounding as he gasped for breath.

He grew dizzy from the attack, his body swaying slightly before he felt two strong hands grab his shoulders and steady him. He gasped as he was pulled in close, the larger man’s chest hitting his back before a hand rose to Theo’s forehead and pressed against it tightly. “You have a fever.” The man stated simply, yet concern filtered through his voice.

Theo hardly breathed, his shivering easing as he unconsciously leaned into the man’s blessed heat and his scent... It seemed so familiar that it ached in the shadows of his memories. “Yes, m-my frame seems to be running far hotter than... Oh,” Theo shook his head, pulling away from the man sheepishly as he realized what he had said. He laughed weakly as he looked up at the other man’s red eyes, “I meant body…”

“I know what you meant.” The other man said with a small smile, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully.

Theo felt his eyebrows draw down in confusion, his deficiency in vocabulary  was normally met with confusion when he referenced his body as a frame, yet this man... He seemed perfectly fine with the slip up.

The taller man smiled knowingly, “You should take better care of yourself. Being as sick as you are is a terrible strain on your frame, and your spark.”

Theo froze, his eyes opening wide as he stared openly at the man before him, “W-what did you say?” He whispered out raggedly, his fra… His _body_ shaking terribly as he looked up at the stranger.

The silver man chuckled darkly, maybe sadly as he moved closer. “You heard what I said.” The taller man said, his smile falling, and face turning deeply serious.

Theo felt his spa… arrrgh, his _heart_ thunder inside him and he slowly backed away from man, terror and fascination filling his eyes as he did.

The other man did not advance, but he did pull out a simple flip phone.

He crouched slowly, afraid the smaller man might bolt at any moment before placing the phone on the ground between them.

“I imagine you have been contacted by another by now, and I warn you to be cautious in approaching them. You also have questions, I am sure. This device is linked with my own personal number. If you wish for answers to those questions from a safe,  _reliable_ source call the number listed inside.” The tall man stood then, winking at the shocked Theo before turning and walking back down the alley he had first appeared in.

For a moment Theo just stood there, his eyes burning into the phone, watching the little thing like it was a bomb about to go off.

_Riiiiiiiiing!_

He cried out as a phone rang suddenly, yet he was relieved to find it was only the one in his hand. He looked down to find a picture of Alexander and Tawny flash across the screen , and he breathed out in relief, his eyes moving back to the flip phone as he answered.

“H-hello?”

His voice must have sounded awfully strained because Alexander was immediately worried sounding. “Theo, are you alright!? Thomas said you left the club near two hours ago without a word, and you haven’t returned! Are you ok, handsome?”

Theo continued to stare at the phone, part of him wanting to step on the damn thing and watch it shatter under his foot, and the other part trying desperately not to just throw himself at it like a mad man and instantly calling the number inside. “I… I ahhh… There’s been some… I don’t know.” He said finally, unable to explain what had happened, what had been going on, or give voice to what he was feeling.

“Ok… Ok, Tawny and I are going to go pick you up. I can get a cab and…” Alexander started, and Theo immediately felt terrible.

“No, no Alexander. I will, I will take the bus. I, it is long past Tawny’s bed time. Don’t worry about me. I, I will be home soon.” Theo hated that he had made his mate worry, and the thought of him dragging poor Tawny from bed just to get him… Nevermind that Theo _hated_ being in cars. For some reason it felt far too invasive, and strange to him. At least with the bus there was more space, and it felt more like riding in a shuttle than inside of some…

“Ok. Hey, are you alright though?” The older man’s voice was calm but filled with worry, and honestly, Theo didn’t have an answer for the other man.

“I, I don’t know. Let me grab my stuff and I will take the ten o’clock bus.” He said, his voice growing steadier as he slowly walked towards the silver flip phone.

“Alright, just be careful.” Alexander said wearily.

“I will. I will see you soon, we can talk then.” Theo said, crouching next to the other phone, his wide eyes scanning over it nervously.

“Ok. See you soon, handsome.” With that there was a click and the phone call ended.

Theo numbly lowered his arm, turning his phone’s display off before slowly reaching his arm out and grabbing the much smaller one and pulling it in close. He looked over it, his heart skipping as he flipped it open.

It was an older model, so old in fact that Theo was amazed it could even receive a signal. Its’s screen blared to life in a simplistic green and black 8-bit style print. He frowned worriedly as he hit the arrow keys until he opened the contacts folder.

**_This phone looks as if it is very old, far older than the ones I have studied up on since awakening. Who would have a phone like this, and what service provider would even still support it? Who was that man? He wasn’t just looking for my club, he was looking for ME. He knows what a spark is, and he said he had answers… Is he Jon Smith? If he was, why didn’t he introduce himself as such? No, wait, he said another would have contacted me by now and to be wary of them? Did he mean Jon Smith? Why do I feel so fearful of this man and yet so…_ **

As the singular contact number finally sprang up on the screen before him, Theo almost fainted right in the street as he read the name the number was under. There it was, the name that stayed with him all this time, the name that had haunted his nightmares, and had him screaming out longingly in his dreams. The only name that truly had a concrete hold on his shattered mind, and heart…

Megatron.


	2. Haunted Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Been a long, LOOONG time since I wrote for this story and I have been thinking about it recently soo, yeah, got to writing! I wrote a bunch and should have the next chapter out soon. Enjoy, sorry for errors!

By the time Theo arrived at home he was exhausted. His cough had intensified dramatically leaving many on the bus to shy away from him in disgust, but that suited him just fine considering how overwhelmed he felt.

He was excited, and frightened at the same time.

His hands ran over his scarred arms unconsciously as he walked up to his and Alexander’s stoop; did he truly want to know about the life that had hurt him, marked him so deeply and in the end, left him stranded for dead with not a word for two years?

He frowned as he pulled his keys from his pocket, his shivering fra… body stilling as he peered wearily, apprehensively at the phone he held. **_Megatron… Who are you and why, why do I both long for you and, and fear you?_**

Sighing gently so he didn’t cause another attack of coughing, he stuck his keys into the doorknob and opened the door to what had become his home, his family for the last two confusing, and in many ways terrifying years.

His steps sounded heavy upon the wooden flooring as he walked in, placing his key in the little unicorn bowl he and Alexander had bought for Tawny when they visited a place called Mystic, Connecticut this last summer. He smiled at the tiny pastel bowl, smirking at the disfigured creature painted on the side of it. Perhaps at one point the unicorn had looked beautiful, majestic but it seemed after the clay had been cooked the image had twisted to this overweight dog beast… To Theo at least, but Tawny had loved it so he had crumbled under her beautiful brown eyes and bought the ugly bowl.

 He stared at the bowl, his heart easing at the comforting sight of Alexander’s keys there, he looked up to find a small pile of mail, none of it ever addressed to him yet familiar all the same… Comforting…

“Theo?”

Theo gasped as Alexander’s deep yet kind voice called to him and he looked up to find the older man’s silhouette fill the end of the entry hall he still stood in.

“F-forgive…” He started, figuring he should apologize for how late it was, all the worries he had put this man through today, and for him standing in the hall stupidly but the moment he opened his mouth the older man was on him.

“Oh Theo…” Alexander mumbled as he pulled the shorter man in, wrapping his arms around him tightly before kissing the top of his head.

Theo remained silent in the embrace, his heart hammering with everything that had gone on through the day. “S-Sorry it took so long to…”

‘Hush handsome… Come on, let’s get you out of that coat.” Alexander insisted helping to pull off the heavy jacket and Theo was more than happy for the assistance, he was exhausted. “I have some food for you left in the microwave, some soup and we have bread.”

Theo nodded numbly, his mind racing with what he was going to tell Alexander and where he was going to start with everything as well as… As trying to get that man’s scent, his image, the feel of his fingers, and his eyes, his dark and yet blindly piercing eyes out of his head!

“Theo?”

The younger man shook his head, looking up to find Alexander looking down at him worriedly. “I, I am s-sorry.” He mumbled with an apologetic smile. “Umm, let’s get some food, yes?”

  The taller man nodded gesturing towards the kitchen before he and Theo made their way in. “Why don’t you sit down there? I will get your food.”

Theo frowned. “I can serve myself Alexander, it is alrigh…”

“You have been sick for days, had a trying day at work, and have had the surprise of a lifetime today. Sit!”

Theo chuckled under the older man’s glare and pulled out his seat at the table and sat down as he was told. He placed his hands on the table top, clasping them together tightly in hopes they would stop shaking as Alexander warmed up his food and he glanced around their kitchen.

It was a nice apartment for Boston, one that definitely could only be afforded on the salary of one of the best nurses in the city. Alexander was well known for his work in the medical field, many times being welcomed to advance to surgeon or doctor but his passion lie with his family and he never pursued the offers. He was hardly home enough as it was being a nurse and he feared losing even more time were he to advance.

“So,” the older man started as he placed the steaming bowl of soup in front of Theo and moved across the room to cut some bread for him. “Did you call them?”

Theo sighed, idly spinning his spoon in what he assumed was chicken and rice soup. “No, I… I was a coward.” He admitted quietly just to receive a scowl from the other man.

“You have a right to be afraid, Theo.” He said flatly as he buttered the bread in his hand. “But, if you didn’t call what took you from the club for so long?”

Theo stopped his stirring, his spark, arrrgh heart thundering in his chest as he stared deeply in the golden liquid. “I, well I…” He wasn’t sure what to say.

Should he tell Alexander about the strange man? He wasn’t even sure the man _was_ Megatron, maybe he was just an associate, or… Or who the fuck knew!  Theo was worried about bringing him up as Alexander had seen the echoes of this Megatron’s treatment of him from his dreams the bad and the… The _good_.

What would his partner say? Would he be worried, well of course he would be worried, but would he be upset? Should he just not mention the man at all but, but that would be lying and not only did Theo not like lying he was fairly awful at it so what…

He was pulled from his racing thoughts as Alexander placed a paper towel down next to him before gently piling his two pieces of bread there and sitting down next to him. “Theo, what is it? Why are you being so quiet about this?” The older man asked, his voice gentle as always.

“Arrrgh, I am sorry Alexander I just… I don’t… Shit!” Theo cursed placing his head in his hands as he fought to control his whirling thoughts and fears.

The older man frowned, humming thoughtfully before he raised his hand and began rubbing Theo’s back. “Must be pretty bad to have you swearing, handsome.” He said playfully but their was an air of concern in his query.

Theo didn’t say anything but nodded into his hands.

“Hmmm… Listen Theo, there is nothing you can’t tell me, alright?” Alexander assured him, pulling one of Theo’s hands away as he peered deeply into the one brilliant blue eye he could see. “For now I am all you have and, and I take that responsibility, that _gift_ very seriously. So please, trust me?”

Theo sighed, guilt running through him as he pulled his hands away and turned to face the man that had basically been his savior for the last two years. **_He is right, it is unfair of me to hide things from him. He has never given me reason to doubt and without him I wouldn’t have anything! He deserves so much from me._**

He breathed in deep, his shoulders tensing as he peeked up at the older man. “I, I think I met M-Megatron today.” He whispered, hoping against hope that the other man wouldn’t freak out, or be upset and was relieved when Alex merely looked down at him in disbelief.

“W-what?” The other man asked and suddenly all of Theo’s caution fell away and he began to ramble.

“I was in one of the alleys near the club just staring at the number I received from the John Smith person. I didn’t realize how long I was out there and it was cold and I began coughing and then suddenly this rude asshole complained about it and then…” He stopped, his eyes wide as he stared at the older man. “I think it was him, Alexander! I think it was Megatron. He, I had never seen him before and I don’t know why but I knew! I knew almost instantly he was important! I felt him in my spark…”

Theo stopped as a shadow fell across the older man’s face and he instantly felt ten times guiltier. “I mean, not like, not like that…” He mumbled, curling into himself as Alex looked at him with a sad smile.

“It, it is alright Theo. I, I want you to be comfortable talking with me, like I said. I just… Did he say anything?”

Theo hesitated, his guilt weighing down his shoulders as he nodded. “Yes, he, he knew I had been contacted by someone else and, and told me to be wary of them.”

Suddenly Alexander’s calm façade broke and a scowl formed on his face. “Wait so, so this man that has you screaming in horror at night is telling you to be wary of people that once knew you!? You, you aren’t going to believe him, are you?”

Theo blinked at the older man in surprise. He hadn’t seen Alexander ever get really angry, he always controlled his emotions even in Boston traffic so, so to see him so upset now was… “I, I didn’t say I believed him.” He answered meekly, causing the other man’s fury to ease. “I just am telling you what he said to me.”

Alex pulled back, hand going to his chin as he thought. “Weird that he should come on the same day someone else contacts you. Makes me wonder if he has known where you were for far longer than just today. Theo,” The older man said his voice gruff and worried. “What if, what if he has been watching you?”

Theo’s heart nearly stopped at the thought. He hadn’t even considered the convenient timing of the man’s arrival and for some reason wouldn’t put it past the man to do just that, though he wasn’t sure how he would know that about him, nor did he understand why the thought didn’t really bother him. **_What is wrong with me! Some man from my past, that I obviously have a very ‘broken’ past with could have been stalking me and I am just fine with it? What the…_**

“I guess, yeah.” He said quietly, again stirring his spoon in his quickly cooling soup as he thought.

“I don’t like this Theo. I…” Alexander shook his head, peering around the room nervously before turning back to Theo. “If he has been following you that means he has also been following me and Tawny.”

“Oh gods…” Theo gasped, dropping his spoon as he peered desperately up at the taller man. “I, I didn’t even, I… Alexander I, I am so sor…”

Alex smiled, albeit a nervous one before patting the terrified Theo on his shoulder. “Alright, alright let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, ok? Ummm, did, did he ask you to meet him again or, or tell you where he was staying?”

Theo froze, his heart racing as he thought of the phone he had in his jacket pocket. “Uhhh…” He started nervously, amazed with himself for hesitating about telling his partner about it and again wondering just what was wrong with him!?

He _should_ tell Alex and then they could bring the phone to the authorities and forget about all of this but, but why were his instincts telling him otherwise? Why were they telling him to hide it from Alexander, that he needed to talk to Megatron and the only way to do that would be to keep it a secret, from everyone.

“He, he gave me a number.” He said finally, leaving the part about the phone out yet giving the other man just enough so he wasn’t _technically_ lying.

“A number? Did, did he write it down? Are, are you going to call him?” Alexander asked, his voice oddly low and eyes piercing as he looked down at Theo.

“I, I wasn’t sure what to do with it at first Alexander.” Theo said softly, his eyes pointedly looking at his soup when he felt the older man grab his chin and lift his head to peer directly into his eyes.

“I am very fond of you Theo and know you are your own man and I never want to hold you back but, if you are going to stay with me, with my family I beg you, _forget this man_. I, I have heard what he has done to you! I have heard your screams and if, if he has been following you all I can think of is Tawny. Please, Theo, for me, for Tawny… Do _not_ contact this man.”

Theo could hardly breathe for how severely the older man looked at him how, how threatening the man’s voice sounded but could he really blame him? Alex only wanted to protect his family and, and if Megatron was as awful as he sounded, as his nightmares led Alexander to believe, as he never remembered them, then maybe…

“I, I won’t, I won’t c-call him, Alexander.” Theo stuttered out yet at the back of his mind and deep in his heart he felt he would break this promise, and he didn’t know why.

The older man continued to stare at him intensely for another few moments before he sighed and nodded. “Thank you, Theo. Thank you for choosing us over, over nightmares.” He shook his head, his usual smile taking place of that uncharacteristic scowl before clapping his hands together. “NOW, that that is done with, you do have some hope to look forward to right! That other number.”

Theo nodded numbly, forcing a smile as the other man beamed down at him. “Y-yes… I am afraid it is too late today to ca…”

“Of course! Listen, I am calling out for you tomorrow, you need a day, plus you are sick. Spend the morning lounging and then I will come home for lunch and we can call them together, yeah? Maybe set up a meeting!”

“S-so soon?” Theo asked weakly, his stomach rolling sickly with all of the stress and nerves from the last few hours.

“Aww,” Alex cooed at him, rubbing his back comfortingly. “I know you are scared but this, _this_ could be a real find Theo! What if you find your family? Your real family!?”

“Real family?” The younger mech mumbled, his spark aching at the term and he almost gasped as an image of Megatron unconsciously flashed in his mind.

“Yes, isn’t that exciting? They could meet Tawny and I as well, we will be there for you, the whole way Theo.” Alex said with another smile and Theo forced a smile back.

“O-Ok, sounds… Sounds good. Umm, I am not very hungry Alexander, forgive me. I just want to sleep.”

Alexander cooed once more, placing his hand against Theo’s forehead gently. “No worries, handsome. At least your fever is gone.” He stood, offering a hand as he helped Theo stand as well. “Come on, let me tuck you in.”

Theo smiled, a real one this time as he leaned into the taller man. “Thank you Alexander, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“I told you Theo, I am here to take care of you. It is a gift, _you_ are a gift, one I don’t plan on letting go of for a very, very long time.”

As Alex led him to the stairs and up to their bed Theo peered back at his jacket, just for a moment and felt his heart ache as he thought about his lie. **_It, it will all work out. Maybe, maybe I should just get rid of the phone. I love Tawny deeply and Alexander… Well, I am fond of him. Am I really prepared to put them at risk because of one man I met in the middle of the night?_**

He smiled as Alex began talking to him about what would be for dinner the next night, falling into the comfort of his life now and began to feel a little better about everything. He didn’t need this Megatron, Alexander was right. He had a family, and that family might just grow even larger tomorrow! He had everything he wanted right here and had worked very hard for…

He wasn’t about to screw that up, was he?

…………………………..

Theo dreamed.

_A gasp escaped the youth, his body arching off of a bed, yet it wasn’t his bed…_

_Theo peered around him, his eyes adjusting to the light that surrounded him when another flair of pleasure rippled up from between his legs and he dropped his head, his eyes widening as he found a silver haired man looking up at him._

_“Optimus…” The man’s deep husky voice called to him and Theo frowned at the name._

_“What did you call me?” He asked weakly, his eyes growing even wider as the man moved in close, his tongue escaping him before gently sliding along his thick, hard shaft._

_“Unnnnnn… GODS!”_

_The silver haired man smirked as Theo cried out. “I called you your designation, Optimus. Your real designation.” The man titled his head glancing at Theo with a playful glimmer in his eyes. “Would you rather I call you by your false one, Theo?”_

_Theo groaned as the man fisted his aching penis and began to stroke it slowly. “N-Nooo.” He whimpered, hating the sound of his name on the man’s lips. It didn’t feel right, it didn’t sound right and for some reason it made him more than uncomfortable._

_The man chuckled. “Mmmm, I thought so.” He said before lifting his helm up and opening his mouth wide._

_Theo keened as he watched the man slowly lower his helm… No head… No head didn’t feel right either! He watched as he lowered his helm and swallowed his spike._

_“Unnnn Frag! Megatron!” He grated out through clenched teeth, his body dripping with sweat as it twisted in the sheets around him._

_He had never felt anything like this before! Hell, he had never even seen his penis enlarged as he and Alexander never had a relationship like…_

**_Oh no, Alexander…_ ** _Guilt ate at him even as his body thrummed with pleasure and he pushed that guilt back as he focused on what the man between his legs was doing to him._

_It felt amazing, it felt right, and he wanted more!_

_“M-Megatron p-please, f-faster!” He pleaded with the man, his hands going to Megatron’s helm and tangling in his hair as he tried to quicken the thrusts._

_Megatron chuckled, the laughter vibrating along Theo’s spike and he whimpered at the sensation. “Uhhh, p-please, please!” He begged, gasping as Megatron lifted his head and brought it back down with a glorious slurp._

_Theo humped at the man’s head, his vents coming quicker and quicker as his charge grew and he could feel the heat in his lower frame… body grow. It coiled in his lower belly, twisting and turning with the promise of bliss, now if only he could release it, release it all into the man that caressed him so gently…_

_“Uhhhh, uhhhh, uhhh. Yeeees! Uhhh, FRAG MEGATRON! I LOVE YOU!”_

_……………………………_

“Nooooo!” Theo gasped as he sat up in bed, _his_ bed this time, and fought to control his breathing. “Oh my god…” He whispered glancing over at the still, thankfully, sleeping Alex.

 ** _What, what was that? What…_** He shook his head, pulling the blanket from him and turning so that his legs were on the side of the bed when he noticed something odd. He gasped as he spied the very large and needy tent of his shorts  his guilt and embarrassment tearing through him as he stared at it in fascinated horror. 

He had never, _ever_ gotten an erection before, at least none he had ever seen. Sometimes he thought he was broken, that something was wrong with him because he never even had what Alexander called morning wood. The older man had said it might be because of the trauma of his coma but had always assured him when he was ready things would work out so… So why… **_Why now? Why does it work tonight after, after such a dream… Wait, I actually remember! I remembered my… Oh, oh my._**

His shame grew as his penis twitched and images of the silver haired man bobbing his head between his legs filled his mind. He remembered those blazing crimson eyes staring up at him, remembered the lewd slurps and squelches, remembered how amazing it felt to…

“Ohhhh…” He whimpered, slapping his hand over his mouth as he stood and almost ran to the bathroom. He scrambled in, shutting the door behind him as quietly as he could before leaning against the door and breathing heavily against it.

**_What, what is wrong with me! Why do I remember, I never remember! Shit, why do I have an erec… I, I want to forget him! I don’t want this! I, I don’t want… I don’t want him!_ **

He groaned miserably, his head turning and eyes spotting his visage in the mirror next to him. He was wearing his normal baggy tee-shirt and shorts, he never slept naked as his body always felt too alien and, and he wasn’t ready for such a leap with Alexander yet even with the clothes he couldn’t hide the reaction his body was having to such a dream.

He was drenched in sweat, dark wet spots all over his shirt and his shorts… **_I, I need to get rid of it! How, how do I stop…_**

A knock suddenly sounded on the other side of the door and Theo cried out in surprise at the sound.

“Theo! I, I am sorry, are you alright?” Alex’s voice called to him, the older man sounding more than a little worried and Theo swore internally.

**_What am I going to do!? What is he going to think of me? Will he think I am disgusting? How do I explain t-this? I can’t tell him that I got it b-because…_ **

“Theo? Can I come in?”

Theo keened quietly, he knew he had nothing to keep him in here in the middle of the night and poor Alex sounded really worried… He sighed as he stepped away from the door, his hands shaking as he twisted the doorknob and opened it.

“I, I didn’t mean to…” He said sullenly as Alex’s worried eyes peered at him.

“Didn’t mean to? Theo what are you talking about… Oh.” Alex stopped as he spotted the obvious _problem_ , his eyes blinking in surprise before a small chuckle escaped him. “Theo, you don’t have to be sorry for that.”

Theo put his face in his hands. “I don’t know… I, I was going to wait for it to go away. It, it does go away right?” He asked suddenly, his hands pulling away as he peered at the older man desperately.

The older man did his best to not burst out laughing. “Yes, yes they do but if you let it slowly fade it is normally painful… Umm, perhaps I could help?”

Theo’s breath caught in his chest and he immediately looked down at his feet in embarrassment and… And something else… Something he had known for a while but never really had the bravery to admit tugged at his heart.

 He didn’t want Alexander to touch him like that.

It wasn’t like he hated the man or anything, he was very, very _grateful_ to him… But he just didn’t feel that he and Alex should… That they…

The older man seemed to take his hesitancy as shyness and cooed at him before taking his hand and leading him back to the bed. “Hey, it is ok Theo. If anything I am more than happy you finally feel comfortable enough with me to get excited.”

Theo’s heart fell to his stomach as his guilt ran raggedly through it. **_Ohhhh… What is wrong with me! This man has been nothing but a Hero to me and I… how can I feel so uncomfortable with him? It isn’t fair! I… I owe him some trust damnit!_**

He remained silent as he and Alex stopped at the end of the bed, the older man smiling as his hand came up and caressed the side of his face. “I love you Theo.” Alex whispered and Theo nearly fell to the ground under the heavy admission.

He peered at the other man, his guilt choking him but Alex silenced him with a gentle finger against his lips. “I know there is much you are still going through Theo, and I don’t expect that you know what you feel for…”

“I, I really _like_ you Alexander.” Theo said quickly, his eyes wet with shame that he couldn’t be on the same level as the wonderful man before him.

Alex smiled. “I know and maybe, one day, it will be more than that. I, I just had to tell you Theo. It has been weighing on my heart for so, so long and… Well, perhaps it was selfish to bring it up now.” He chuckled once more as he peered down and found the smaller man not nearly excited as he had been. “I hope I didn’t ruin things too badly by saying it.”

Theo paled as he looked down and found his shaft had gone soft. “I… I am s-sorry.” He stuttered out yet felt some guilt ridden relief at the sight. Maybe now they could just go to bed and nothing would need to change!?

His hopes were crushed though as Alex moved in close, the heat coming off the larger man’s bare chest warming his wet shirt as he leaned down and pressed his lips lightly against Theo’s. “Don’t worry, I can fix this.” He whispered heatedly, his hand moving down from Theo’s face and down his chest.

**_Oh no! What if, what if I can’t get excited again! He will feel awful! I feel awful! Why can’t this feel right!? Don’t I owe it to him? After everything he has selflessly given me why don’t I…_ **

He whimpered as Alex’s fingers lifted his shirt a bit, his skin lightly brushing against Theo’s stomach before moving lower and slipping under the band of his shorts.

Theo focused on breathing, his breath ragged but not necessarily out of excitement but apprehension and maybe even a little fear. He was torn, half of him wanting to please this man, to give him what he wanted, what he _deserved_ even if he himself didn’t need it but the other part of him…

As Alex’s hand wrapped around his flaccid cock Theo moaned as the image of Megatron doing the same thing in his dream ran through his mind and suddenly, he wasn’t so soft.

“Hmmmm, told you handsome.” Alexander groaned, his head lowering as he kissed along Theo’s neck and began to slowly jerk the younger man’s thickening member.

Theo buried his head against the other man’s shoulder, the guilt he felt burning, searing through his spark as Alex touched him so gently for he knew, he knew it was not the man before him that was exciting him so but the one from his dreams… **_Arrrgh, what is wrong with, with me?_**

He tried to only see Alex, tried to appreciate what this man was doing to him but every time he did he felt the heat grow cold. It was only when he thought of Megatron, thought of his eyes, his tongue, his voice that his hips rocked into the hand that held him, that he whimpered and moaned and he felt both awful and grateful for it.

Maybe he was wretched for thinking of Megatron during this but if it helped Alex feel good, feel proud was… Was it so bad?

“Sit down.” Alex instructed, pulling Theo’s shorts down as the smaller man sat on the edge of the bed nervously. The older man groaned as he glanced longingly over Theo’s now dripping member. “Oh, they made you perfect.” The man remarked huskily and Theo wondered what the man meant by that but only for a moment before Alex lowered his head and licked at the tip of his cock.

“Uhhhhhhh!” Theo’s eyes shut, his head falling back as he focused on the pleasure growing in his lower abdomen. In his mind’s eye he imagined Megatron there, pushing past his guilt so that hopefully he would climax for Alex.

“Ohhhh, Theo, you taste incredible.”

Theo grimaced at the designation, yet at least it didn’t sound as awful coming from Alex as it had with…

Suddenly the mouth that had been kissing and nipping at his spike finally opened and with one long, slow push down it enveloped his shaft entirely in its warm wet heat.

“UNNNNN! YESSSS! M…” Theo’s optics bulged as he realized he was just about to cry out Megatron’s name. “M-Moore!” He said instead, looking down at Alex worriedly yet the man seemed unfazed by his near mistake.

**_Arrrgh this is awful! I am awful! Why am I thinking about that m-monster when I could be thinking about… But, is he really a monster?_ **

It occurred to Theo he never remembered what his dreams were so he never remembered whatever he had seen in them or screamed about. All he ever had were other people’s words about how terrible they were and how he would scream out Megatron’s name during them.

 ** _What if, what if he isn’t so bad?_** He began to think and with that consideration his guilt seemed to decrease dramatically. He closed his eyes, again seeing Megatron there, the silver haired man bobbing his head up and down as he sucked upon his spike.

“Unnnn, fuuuuck!” Theo groaned raggedly, his hand fisting in Alexander’s hair just like it had with Megatron’s before he began lifting his hips up and started fucking the older man’s mouth.

“Mmmmmmm!” Alex…Or in Theo's mind _Megatron_ moaned around his cock, the sound vibrating along the sensitive muscle and tempting Theo to move faster.

“Unnn, yes, yes… OHHHH GODS!” His control began to fall away, his daydream of him and Megatron leading his climax, his pleasure and he gave himself into it entirely. Soon he was fucking the blessedly hot tunnel with abandon, his hips rutting into the man’s face as the heat within him grew, and grew.

All he saw was Megatron there, there on his knees, servicing Theo as he looked up at him with those fiery red eyes. Theo stared  back into those eyes, both of them staring deeply into one another almost like they could see each other’s souls within.

“Mmmmmm… UNNNNN, Yes! More, MORE! ALMOST!” He cried, his eyes shut tight as his charge bloomed and suddenly white light filled his vision and he came hard! “AHHHHHHHH!”

His frame twitched wildly, his spike buried deep into Megatron’s intake as spurt after spurt of his transfluids poured from him… It was perfect, it was beautiful, freeing, it was…

He smiled lazily as his hips fell to the bed, his eyes opening as he looked down between his legs just to feel all of his guilt, his shame, and a sense of betrayal fill him. **_Ohh, Alexander… I am so sorry…_**

For all the sorrow he was feeling in the after math of their _activities_ Alex seemed to beam with happiness as he lifted his head and wiped at his lips with the back of his hand. “B-better?” The older man asked with a laugh and Theo forced himself to smile and nod in response hoping, praying his reaction didn’t look nearly as horrified as he felt.

The older man laughed at his reaction, patting his knee before helping pull his shorts back up and standing. “Yeah, it is rather exhausting afterwards isn’t it. Mind numbing?”

Again Theo nodded silently, his breathing calming as he and Alex worked their way up to the head of the bed and got under the blankets once more.

Alex looked at Theo as they laid next to one another, the older man grinning from ear to ear. “I love you Theo, and I loved that. Thank you for sharing such a moment with me.”

Theo swallowed the sand and glass that seemed to make its way into his throat somehow and nodded. “Th-thank y-you. I, I am s-sorry…” He whispered brokenly his heart pounding with self-loathing.

“Ahh, don’t worry.” Alex said gently as he yawned, taking Theo’s odd behavior and guilt ridden eyes as a sign that the younger man felt bad for not reciprocating the attention. “We will have plenty more times to explore the wonders of love making, Theo. Don’t you worry about me.” He said before he kissed the trembling youth and snuggling under the blankets with a contented sigh. “Hopefully it will help you sleep better too! Good night, handsome.”

Theo nodded, curling into himself as his ignorant partner fell into the blissful nothingness of sleep.

 ** _I… I am awful…_** He thought to himself, tears welling up in his eyes as he stifled any sobs that might escape him into his pillow.

He felt awful for his lies, he felt awful for thinking of a man he had just met as Alex, poor, sweet, loving Alex tried to give him pleasure… But most of all, he felt awful about the fact that he couldn’t stop thinking about when the best time might be to call the man that had started all of this insecurity and strife…

No matter how many times he told himself not to think of it, told himself he had promised to ignore it, ignore Megatron, in his heart… No, in his spark he felt he was doing the right thing by doing so.

  ** _Megatron… I, I hope my instincts are right about you because for some awful reason I think I am willing to place all of this on the line for you and… And I have no idea why._**


	3. Risk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, this one is a short one, but I think it ends at a good point... Well, a good point for a chapter not necessarily a GOOD point haha. Ok, Enjoy! Yay!

**_{Morning}_ **

Theo sat silently on the end of his bed once Tawny and Alexander had left for the day. He had pretended to sleep through the morning routine, pushing his ever growing guilt back as Tawny tried to wake him to play, but Alex had come to his rescue telling the little girl he had had a long night and needed the rest.

“Alexander…” The man’s name fell from his lips, his hand going to his heart as the burn there became almost unbearable.

He sighed, his head hung low as he looked at the little unassuming trinket he held and he marveled at the power lifeless things could hold over some souls. **_Don’t do it… Don’t walk this path! You can throw it away, you can still save what you have here! You can still keep all you have fought so hard to build after starting off with nothing!_**

“Arrrrgh!” He growled, his arm lifting and fingers wrapping around the small cellphone so tightly he feared he might crush it as he aimed to throw it across the room. **_You do love them, even Alexander! No, it might not be in the same way he loves you but… But you do love them! Is this, IS HE WORTH THE COST OF THEM!?_**

He had been arguing with himself all night, going back and forth as his mind and heart warred. He was now exhausted, watching the minutes click by, time wasting where he could slip out and have that one conversation with Megatron… Where he could finally get some answers but… But if he did and Alexander found out…

**_Ohh, what he doesn’t find out and I just have to live with the lie!? Ohhhh… What do I do?_ **

He moaned as he pulled his arm back down, his eyes going to the flip phone as his hand shook around it. “What do I do?”

He was drained, he hadn’t slept even a moment and his cold seemed to have worsened because of it. He felt feverish, weak, angry, frustrated, guilty, sad, excited, horrified, wanting…

“ARRRGH, FUCK THIS!” He yelled to the empty apartment, forcing his exhausted body to stand before he stomped over to the bathroom.

He slammed the phone down on the counter before turning on the tap and filling his hands with water. **_I can’t do this to them! I can’t! Alex… He asked me, begged me not to contact Megatron and, and am I just going to ignore his plea!? After, after everything he has done for me!?_**

Another growl came from him as he splashed the water on his face, repeating the action a few more times before grabbing at a towel, pressing it against himself and straightening. He pulled the towel away after a time, his eyes scanning over his stern and weary expression. 

Thick black lines curved under his eyes, his normally tan colored skin was far paler than it should have been, and his eyes normally brilliant blue color seemed much dimmer than usual. **_I look how I feel…_** He mused bitterly before placing the towel down on the counter and glancing back at the phone.

 ** _I am running out of time._** He turned his head to look at the large clock that hung on the wall of his and Alex’s bedroom grimacing as he read 9:26.

Alexander was to return at noon today so that he and Theo could call the mysterious John Smith and possibly go and meet him, that meant that he only really had maybe an hour, hour and a half to have this conversation with Megatron anyways… **_Maybe I should just forget the whole thing!_**

He grabbed the phone as he made it out into the bedroom and began pacing. If he didn’t do this today would he have the time to do it again, would he have the _courage_? He was already in deep with all of this and, and for some accursed reason he felt the only answers he would get that truly meant _anything_ would come from this strange and yet achingly familiar man…

He flipped open the phone, his hand shaking more as he pressed the button to reveal the contacts there and his heart jumped as Megatron’s name popped up onto the screen. **_I… What do I…_**

His heart was now racing, his hand trembling so hard he almost dropped the phone and as he scrambled to catch it he hit the send button. **_NO!_**

He yelped as he juggled the now ringing phone, desperate to hang up before anyone answered, before his mistake was irreversible but just as he collected himself and finally steadied the phone a deep voice sounded through its speaker.

“ _Optimus...”_

Theo cried out, slamming the phone’s top down and canceling the call.

He stood there shaking from head to feet as he nearly hyperventilated. **_Oh gods… Oh my! What, what did I do!? What… Maybe, maybe he will ignore it, maybe he will see it as a mistake!? Maybe it will all just go aw…_**

_RIIIIIIING!_

His ragged breaths halted as the phone began to ring. “Nooo…” He whimpered out, his eyes wide as the little thing vibrated and sang in his hand, the tune oddly pleasant comparably to the terror it instilled in him.

_RIIIIING!_

**_What do I do!? Should I just throw it? Smash it!? Get rid of it!?_ **

_RIIIIIING!_

**_Oh shit, oh shit, oh SHIT!_ **

_RIIIII…_

His heart nearly stopped as his hand, almost like it had a mind of its own, flipped the top of the device open and hit the answer button. His breath was shaky, his hand twitching as he brought the phone to his ear.

There was silence on the line, and for a moment Theo thought he had maybe hit the wrong button before he heard a deep chuckle come from the speaker.

“ _Well? Are you going to say hello_?” The voice on the other end asked amusedly and even with the odd twang that always altered voices over phones Theo knew he was talking to none other than the man that he had met in the alley, the man that had haunted his dreams, the man that had inadvertently turned him into a _liar…_  Megatron.

Theo swallowed hard, lowering himself to the edge of the bed for fear that his legs would collapse from under him. “H-hello…” He stuttered out, his free hand clenching at his shirt right above his heart.

Another laugh came from the speaker. “ _Hmmm, you sound rather overwhelmed, not that I can blame you, this whole situation is rather chaotic, no?”_

Theo muttered something that sounded like agreement and Megatron scoffed. “ _Well, not one for talking, I can respect that. I detest cell phones anyways so perhaps we could meet in person_?”

“Wh-where?” Theo asked fairly certain he almost swallowed his tongue as he said it.

“ _Anywhere that suits you, Optimus_.” Megatron answered, his voice soft and oddly understanding.

Theo blinked, his reeling mind finally catching up with what the man kept calling him, it was the same name he had heard in the dream!

“W-why do you c-call me that?” He asked, his breath again frozen as he awaited the answer like his whole life depended on it.

“ _Optimus? Well that is your designation_ …” Megatron answered simply yet his voice quickly fell from that comforting tone to one that sounded bitter and angry. “ _They always give you a new name after reset. I am afraid I do not remember the one you have now, but I can call you that… If you wish_.”

“N-No…” Theo answered quickly, feeling just as wrong about this man calling him Theo as he had in the dream. **_They give me a new name? Who is they?_**

“ _Very well, Optimus._ ” Megatron agreed in that wonderfully deep voice he had and Theo felt his spine tingle at the sound of it. “ _I would like to suggest that wherever we meet it is private, there are optics and audials everywhere I am afraid, and they take their investment in you very seriously_.”

Theo rubbed at his eyes, more and more questions flooding his thoughts by the moment. “I, I know of a q-quiet spot uhh, near the edge of the city, there is a graveyard. It has a long bridge with, with a tunnel under it. Umm, Saint Francis Cemetery… I think?” He suggested.

It was the first private place he could think of, and even though it was a cemetery it was a place he was comfortable with as there were many paths nearby and he and Alex and Tawny used to go walking there.

“ _A cemetery? How fitting Optimus. Very well, shall we meet at noo_ …”

“NO!” Theo exclaimed, his spark hammering as he thought of his meeting with John Smith and Alex. “No, I… I don’t have long. I need to be back home by eleven thirty. Can…” He peered around the room nervously, wondering if he was really going to go through with this. “Can you meet me there now? It, it takes me about fifteen minutes to get there, I am already dressed.”

Megatron chuckled. “ _It pleases me you are eager for this_.” He said huskily and Theo had to physically stop a whimper from escaping him. “ _I can be there in fifteen minutes, until then Optimus… Oh, please be careful who you speak to until then. Let no one know you are meeting with me_.”

Theo moaned worriedly, his fears and questions nearly suffocating him now. “O-ok…”

“ _Goodbye Optimus_.” Megatron said. “ _Be safe_.”

“G-goodbye, Megatron.” His voice hardly over a whisper before the line went dead.

He sat there just for a moment before suddenly standing and bolting to the bathroom. He fell to his knees as he opened to toilet and promptly emptied his stomach of the little contents it held. **_Ohhhh, frag it all…_**

He gasped through the heaves, his frame shivering as his fever roared through it. He felt awful, he was a liar, he was going to betray the only life he knew, all in the hopes of discovering his past one… He felt like he was in shock and almost decided to just stay here, here in the comfort of the known but… But did he really want to spend the rest of his life in a lie?

**_No, no I need to do this. Even, even if it turns out to be nothing I need to know! For the first time since I awoke I need to know, WHO AM I?_ **

He wiped his mouth, pushing himself up on his shaking legs before walking over to the sink and quickly brushing his teeth. **_Arrrgh, I am going to be late!_**

Another bout of nausea hit him as he realized the truth of that statement when he caught the reflection of the clock in the bathroom mirror. He spit out the suds from the toothpaste, again wiping his mouth before rushing out to the bedroom, grabbing the phone and running to the front door.

**_I am going to be late! Arrrgh, I hope he doesn’t leave! Please, please don’t leave Megatron! I am coming!_ **

He grabbed his keys and jacket, throwing it on as he flung open the door and sprinted down the stairs and ran for the bus stop. There was a bus every hour and as it was almost ten he should be able to get on one and get to the graveyard in no time… He hoped.

As the hiss from brakes were heard he smiled at his luck. Fate, it seemed, wanted him to meet with this Megatron as much as he did. He panted as he bought his ticket, walking wearily up the steps before slumping down heavily into one of the seats…

He was on his way, on his way to the future by facing his past and maybe he didn’t know where this path would lead, down a journey of pain or joy but he felt, deep down in his spark, at least it would lead to answers.

………

By the time the bus arrived at the graveyard Theo was shaking so badly  he was afraid he would fall down the steps to the bus. Had the bus driver not known him, at least a little, he probably would have thought he was one of those drug addicts for how much he was sweating and trembling, even though it was the middle of winter.

As it was the old man merely looked at him sadly as he opened the door, wishing him luck and hoping he felt better as Theo stumbled out of the vehicle.

“Th-Thank you.” He said weakly as he stepped out into the snow covered sidewalk, waving as the bus drove away. Many people in the city complained at how grumpy and rude the drivers of public transportation could be but for Theo they always seemed so kind. Maybe if the passengers weren’t nearly as miserable they could see that the poor drivers were just trying their best to get through the work day like anyone else?

He shook his head, his breath coming out in white puffs as he scanned the graveyard. Since it was so cold and a weekday, the area was mostly empty. A few cars were parked near some graves, people standing near the monuments as the snow kept many from kneeling, each praying or speaking to their lost loved ones.

He frowned, lowering his head against the wind as he made his way to the bridge. He had never understood why people visited graves. It was clear the person, or rather, what made the person something to these people was gone so why come and worship a stone slat? **_Maybe it is just for the living? Some place where they can focus on their grief?_**

A shiver ran across his sweat covered body and he lifted his collar to keep out the cold. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew what he was doing was foolish on an _astounding_ number of levels. Not only was he sacrificing Alexander’s trust, and _his_ honor to be here but he was sick as a dog on top of it all, AND he hadn’t slept, well… Except for that part when he dreamed of…

“Arrrgh, just walk mech.” He told himself unconsciously, forcing himself to remain on alert! Megatron was here somewhere and if he was even a little bit as dangerous as Alexander thought or as his scars may have illustrated he needed to be on his guard.

 ** _Not like I am in any condition to protect myself._** He thought begrudgingly, cursing his stupidity with every step he got closer to the tunnel.

What was he doing out here? Why was he going against his partner’s wishes, why was he going against everything that had given him life in these past two years!? What if Megatron was really bad? What would he do? How could he protect himself!?

His mind continued to race, his eyes scanning around him franticly now but so far he hadn’t found any sign of the tall man. Was he even here?

Even with the brief vomit episode, Theo had made good time in getting here, again fate oddly faring well for him as the roads weren’t nearly as busy as they normally were. **_Maybe it is because it is supposed to snow again?_**

He looked up at the grey sky, his eyes narrowing as he sniffed the air. It smelt like snow. He wasn’t sure how he could smell snow, how anyone could and yet, there it was and it always smelled so good!

He brought his head back down, his frown deepening as he saw how close he was to the tunnel but still, no sign of the silver haired man. **_Oh no, what if I missed him? Did I give him the right cemetery name?_**

His steps quickened, his caution falling as he hurried towards the tunnel when he heard something come from inside of it. He froze, standing just outside of the south-east entrance to the tunnel as he peered into the darkness nervously.

“H-Hello?” He called, his voice weak compared to the wind around him. He sighed, his fear growing by the klik. Should he just walk in? What was that sound? Why was he being so _damn_ scared? He had gotten himself into this mess _, he_ made to stupid choice to come so… So he should..

Something light sounded behind him and were it not for him being terrified he probably wouldn’t have even noticed the odd sound but as it was…

Theo spun, his arms coming out to protect himself yet all he got to see was a dark figured before something was thrown over his head and something pinched into his neck.

“NO!” He yelled as hands grasped his torso just in time to catch him as what limited strength he had left him and his legs collapsed.

Theo moaned, his voice oddly loud in the darkness that surrounded his head and he felt his body being picked up by two frighteningly strong arms.

“Acquired objective.” An odd voice sounded next to him but the world was growing fuzzy now, and he wasn’t certain he heard the man’s words correctly.

“Please…” He whimpered to whomever held him, his hands pushing weakly at his captor. “Let me… Let mee goo…”

“Negative, Optimus Prime. Lord Megatron requires audience.” Was all he heard before everything faded away and his last thoughts tore through his heart.

**_Arrrgh gods, I was wrong! I was wrong and now I am going to pay for my idiocy. Alexander, Tawny… Forgive me…_ **


	4. Scattered Puzzles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Hope you all enjoyed your night, or day haha. Here is the next chapter! Now, it may seem confusing at times but that is cause it is meant to be mostly from Theo's/ Optimus's point of view so far and until he gets the answers they are gonna remain in the shadows... Ohhhh, intrigue! Orrr, frustration one or the other haha. Ok, sorry for erros and I hope you enjoy!

Theo groaned as he shifted through the blankets that surrounded him. A cough escaped him burning along his dry throat and making his head pound a little more. **_Argh, I feel awful._**

He reached out, blindly searching for his bedside table and the medicine that should have been there yet found nothing but, _air_? **_W-what? Did I shift over to Alexander’s side?_**

He cracked his eyes open a bit, pleased to find the lights were fairly low in the room as anything brighter would have made his headache so much worse.

“A-Alex…” He started, his words thick and slurred sounding as he tried to speak and he heard a chuckle come from the side of the room.

“You should probably take it slow, the drug has after effects.”

Theo froze, his heart now pounding at the deep gravely sounding voice… **_That, that isn’t Alexander!_**

He gasped, sitting up far too quickly as he scanned the room frantically for a moment just to have to close his eyes as the world spun around him and immediately felt sick to his stomach. “Ohhhh…”

“I _told you_ to take it slow.” The deep voice said amusedly and Theo snarled as he fought the nausea and opened his eyes once more.

He appeared to be in an apartment or, or hotel room? He couldn’t be certain but it was small and thankfully clean. He narrowed his eyes as he turned his head to the side of the room he had heard the voice come from and again felt his heart freeze as he spied a slender man sitting casually in one of the chairs along the right wall. He appeared relaxed, his legs crossed and hands clasped in his lap and even though it was dark in the room Theo immediately noticed his shimmering silver hair and his oddly glowing red opti… Eyes.

“Megatrrroon?” He mumbled out, irritated by how he couldn’t get his lips to work properly. Here he was facing off against a man that had haunted him for the last two years and he sounded like blubbering idiot!

The tall man titled his head, his teeth gleaming in the little light that filtered through the window shades as he smiled at Theo. “Hello, Optimus.”

Theo growled, his anger growing as he remembered just how he had come to this moment. “Yooou, you d-drugged m-mee…” He huffed in irritation as he fought to keep from slurring.

Megatron nodded slowly. “An unfortunate requirement I am afraid. I had to be certain you came alone and if things go poorly during our conversation it would be better if you cannot find your way back here.”

Theo glared at the man. “I t-trussted yooou.” He hissed as he flung the blankets off of him and began to stand when a yelp escaped him as he realized he had no shirt on! He immediately fell back to the berth, pulling the blanket up to cover himself. “Clothes!? Wherrre?” He demanded squinting as the room spun once more.

Megatron lifted an eyebrow smirking at the brilliant blush that suddenly took over Theo’s cheeks. “They were soaked from the fever you seem to be suffering from. I figured I would do you a favor by not keeping you within them.”

Theo grit his teeth holding the blanket against him tightly. “Shirrrt noow!”

The silver haired man chuckled. “A bit more shy than I remember Optimus, but I will have Soundwave gather your clothing for you, it should be dryer now anyways.” He said as he raised his hand and gently knocked a knuckle against the wall behind him.

Theo’s scowl faltered. **_Soundwave? What kind of a name is that? Then again, what kind of a name is Megatron or Optimus and why do they feel so right?_**

He jumped as the door to the room opened, the light spilling in from whatever lay outside instantly making his aching head thump worse than before and he raised an arm to cover his eyes.

“Lord Megatron?” That odd voice from before sounded and Theo lowered his arm just a bit to see what his abductor looked like.

If he and Megatron were thin this man seemed far more so, his body moving in a delicate yet purposeful way. He held an almost feminine quality, his limbs long and torso lithe yet there was no doubt he had power behind his seemingly frail form and his face…

Theo lowered his arm more so, ignoring the pain that filled his head as he strained to see the man’s face yet his black hair covered most of his facial features, and he could only spy one eye oddly glowing with a purplish blue, much like his and Megatron’s did.

He was stunning, yet not beautiful to Theo as Megatron was, just unnaturally perfect and that was without even been able to see the man’s entire face clearly.

“Thank you Soundwave, I was wondering if you could gather Optimus’s clothing. He seems rather uncomfortable in his own skin.” Megatron asked, his smirk growing as Theo grumbled at him from behind his blanket.

“Understood.” The man called Soundwave said as he bowed and closed the door once more.

“There, all taken care of.” Megatron said pleasantly as he turned back to Theo. “You don’t have to hide from me Optimus. I have seen your body, even this one, numerous time. Though, you wouldn’t remember that now would you?”

Theo’s eyes bulged. “You have seen me _naked_!?” He exclaimed pulling another laugh from the larger man before the rest of Megatron’s words filtered through his pounding head and he frowned. “Wait, what do you mean? So, so you _did_ know me from before the coma?” He asked breathlessly, so shocked that he hadn’t even realized his voice was no longer slurring.

“Yes Optimus. I have known you for a very, _very_ long time.” Megatron answered, his voice heavy and weary sounding.

Theo rubbed at his head, wishing his head ache would ease up enough for him to be able to focus more. “So were, were we lovers?” He asked nervously, his blush returning as Megatron and lifted his eyebrows in delight.

“Now why would you think that?” The taller man asked suggestively and Theo shrunk into himself.

“I, I don’t… I don’t know I just… Arrrgh, _well_ were we?” He asked frustrated with his awkwardness and how much joy Megatron seemed to get out of it.

Megatron sat back in the chair his eyes never leaving Theo as they blazed in the darkness. “We have been many things to one another Optimus but yes, among those we have also been lovers.”

Theo felt his heart skip at the admission. “So if we… Were we lovers before the coma? Were…” He lowered his head, his eyes burning as he thought about all he had gone through these past two years, thought of everything he had needed to overcome to get to this point and how… How had it not been for Alexander he would have had to do it completely alone…

“Why now?” He asked quietly, his voice barely over a whisper. “Why come to me now? Where,” He lifted his head, his wet eyes looking desperately at the man before him. “Where have _you_ been?”

Megatron sighed heavily, his hand rubbing at his chin before he shifted forwards in his chair. “Always the first question with you, or… Or one of them.” He said sadly a small smile rising on his lips but it held no happiness merely loss, and pain and Theo felt his spark ache at the sight of it.

Megatron stood then, Theo fighting to not immediately tense as the man paced the little room. “Optimus, there never seems to be an easy way to start this conversation. I and others have gotten it wrong just as often as we have gotten it right but what makes it work or not has never been clear so… So I am just going to jump in… I suppose.”

Theo titled his head, forgetting his embarrassment at being half naked as he lowered his arms and stared openly at the tall man. “Wait, are… Are you saying we have had this talk b-before?”

Megatron scoffed, his eyes flashing as he grinded his perfect teeth together loudly. “T-Too many times now.” He said bitterly, his anger flowing off of him in waves. “Though having it once was more than enough to clarify its wretchedness.”

“H-How many times?” Theo asked, his heart hammering inside of him as he asked. **_What does he mean? How, how could we have had this conversation before!? I mean, how many times has something like this happened? Hell, WHAT is it that HAS happened?_**

Theo wasn’t certain but as his fear grew he was beginning to get the feeling that his coma wasn’t the true reason for, for his life now but why he thought that, why he was hanging on to this man’s every word, all of it was so beyond him.

Megatron rubbed the back of his neck, stopping at the foot of the bed as he peered at Theo intently. “Well, technically there has been four separate times where we have found ourselves in familiar circumstances. Four times we have had something akin to this very conversation, four times I or others have tried to explain to you _who_ and _what_ you actually are.”

_**What I am? What does he mean by that? And, and four times? What...** _

Theo felt his mouth grow dry, his heart hammering so loudly in his chest he could hardly hear anything else. “I… How… How is this p-possible?” He stuttered out happy he hadn’t eaten anything today because he was certain it would be all over the floor at this point.

Megatron chuckled yet it was filled with anger and contempt. “There are many things possible in this world Optimus. This one and, and others.”

Theo could hardly breathe. “W-why should… Why I should believe you?” He asked weakly, knowing it was a stupid question but, but what else was he supposed to say?

Megatron glared at him flatly. “I suppose the more appropriate question is why are you sitting on a stranger’s bed, begging for answers from a life that was taken from you? You should be asking why your body has never fit you, you should ask why you call your heart a spark, why you have never fit in with this world, why everything feels so alien and you never feel you belong…” Megatron said angrily, crossing his arms across his chest as he peered down at the smaller man. “I suppose in those many other questions you will find the answer to _that_ question, Optimus.”

Theo inhaled sharply, his hand going to his chest as he tried to calm his spa… HEART! “I, I don’t u-understand!” He exclaimed, his vison tunneling and head pounding. “How, why have I lost my memories four times! Is, is something wrong with me? Is…” He looked up at Megatron, his optics blazing as tears fell. “Am I sick? Is something wrong with my mind?”

Megatron’s strong, stoic stance fell in an instant and his eyes softened as he shook his head. “Optimus, before we go another step I need you to know that none of this, NONE of it has been your fault.” He assured the panicking youth. “And no, you aren’t sick, not even right now really, though they have programmed you to feel so.” He muttered quietly and Theo looked up at him in confusion.

“Wh-what? P-Programmed me to feel… What are you _talking about_? I, I am just sick, a head cold it, it happens to everyone!” He yelled, his emotions getting the best of him and suddenly he was standing. He couldn’t sit, he needed to move, needed to work some of this energy, this fear out of him!

Megatron sighed, crossing his arms as he watched Theo stalk around the room. “Perhaps I brought that up too quickly.” He mumbled, irritated with himself for getting the smaller man so upset. “Sit down Optimus, it may be programming but it still affects you like real sickness.”

Theo froze staring hard at the ugly carpet beneath him before spinning towards Megatron with a sarcastic laugh. “Why do you keep saying programming!? You can’t program a human to get sick, Megatron!”

The taller man remained silent, unaffected by Theo’s sarcasm and outburst but he did look at him sadly, knowingly. “Yes, I know.” He said darkly, his voice low and heavy and Theo stared at him like he was insane before barking out another laugh.

“What so, so you are saying what that... That I am not _human_!?” Theo asked incredulously and when the taller man remained still and silent he laughed harder but in his heart a seed of terror was growing. **_No, no… This man, this man is insane! That is what it is! He is insane and has somehow decided to torture me with his sick FUCKING games! He, he probably heard my story on the news two years ago and finally found me or, OR SOMETHING. Ohhh, I… I need to get out of here! I was a fool to come._**

His uncomfortable laughter ended as he turned on the man again only finding the calm stoic expression still planted on Megatron’s face like before. “Ok, this, this has been _enlightening_ but I… I need to get home.” Theo said sternly, crossing his own arms as he said it making sure it was clear to the psycho that there was no room for argument.

Megatron rolled his eyes and groaned. “Obviously you are having a hard time with all of this…”

“Hard time!? No, no I… **I** am fine! It is _you_ I worry for, Megatron or, or whatever your name is.” Theo spat, wishing his heart would stop pumping so hard, it was making him dizzy and making it harder to think.

 _He_ wasn’t the one that should be worked up! It was this, this _mess_ of a man that should be the one l _osing_ it! His game was over and Theo was having no part of it!

“It seems I got it wrong this time.” Megatron lamented suddenly, his voice weary as his shoulders slumped. “I, I told you it is hit and miss.” He said with a defeated shrug before turning and locking the door. “But as such I cannot let you leave Optimus. I can’t let you go like this.”

Theo’s eyes widened as his arms fell to his sides. “Wh-what?” He whispered, his frenzy lessening as the man’s words hit him.

Megatron stood tall before the door. “Until you calm down I cannot let you leave like this otherwise you could decimate all the work I and the others have put into saving you from this nightmare and I cannot let that happen.”

Theo stepped back, his mind reeling as the reality of what he had let himself fall into became blindly clear. “You, you _will_ let me leave.” He demanded hoping his voice sounded stronger than he felt.

“ _Not_ until you calm down and listen to reason.” Megatron said evenly placing his hands on his hips.

“REASON!?” Theo nearly shrieked, “You, did you really just… ARRRGH! Nothing you _say_ holds _any_ reason, Megatron!”

“Oh?” Megatron asked, his eyes narrowing as he glared right back at the smaller man. “Tell me Optimus, is that because _you_ don’t want it to or because you are terrified that everything I have said is the _truth_ and you are too much of a _coward_ to face the _answers_ to your own damn ques…”

“Fuck OFF!” Theo interrupted, his fury giving him strength as he stomped up to the taller man and thrust his finger into his face. “You, you are _insane_! You have been playing with me the whole fucking time haven’t you, you _asshole_! You show up one night, give me some bullshit story and a phone, promising answers to an amnesiac like some _fucking hero_ and then… THEN when I agree to meet you you kidnap my, drug me, drag me into some fucking hotel and then tell me, tell me I am not human!?”

“I am only attempting to tell you the _truth_ Optimus.” Megatron grated out, his head lowering as he growled at the smaller man. “I never said I was good at it.”

Theo laughed mockingly. “Ohh, but you have done this four times haven’t you now!? You should be a _fucking_ PRO…”

“HOW DARE YOU!” Megatron bellowed, grabbing Theo by the shoulder and spinning him until his back slammed into the door.

Theo whimpered as pain shot through his back, his head pulling back as Megatron roared at him. “You think this is fucking EASY!? YOU THINK I LIKE THIS!? FUCK YOOOU!” He scoffed as he slammed Theo’s shoulder against the door before lowering his head as he forced himself to calm down.

Theo gasped for air, his heart racing and his body trembling in fear as he stared down at the silver haired man. **_Am, am I going to die today?_**

He flinched as Megatron lifted his head, his eyes shutting as he waited to be beaten into a bloody pulp but was oddly surprised as the man placed his hand on the side of his face with a broken moan.

 ** _What… What is he…_** He braved a peek, opening his eyes just to gasp as he found Megatron looking up at him so desperately, brokenly.

“Optimus I, I have lost you sooo many times!” Megatron grated out, his voice filled with pain and loss. The hand that held Theo’s face shook as the taller man’s eyes filled with tears. “Over and, over, and _over again_ we do this, each time they alter you a little more, each time they make it more difficult to find you, to convince you of the truth… I… I have tried sooo _harrrd_ Optimus! I have fought for years to bring you home! To get you away from them! Get you out of this reoccurring HELL! I, I am so tired!”

Theo blinked at the man, shocked into silence for the agony he could feel pouring off of him. It was so powerful almost, almost as if Megatron’s pain was a part of him?

“M-Megatron…” He whispered, his earlier fury gone now, falling away as the man cumbled before him.

“Optimus I, I am no expert at this, I never wanted to have to do this so many… ARRRGH!” Megatron’s grip on his shoulder increased but not in a painful way, as the taller man moved in closer, his clothed chest just barely brushing against Theo’s bare one. “I, I don’t know what I am doing and that is dangerous because I fear that… I am terrified that if I don’t get it right this time… If I fail again, I will never, _never_ get another chance.”

Theo breath came in shallow gasps, his hands pressed against the door behind him as he peered deeply into those sorrowful eyes. He licked at his lips, exceptionally conscious of how close he was to the man, how warm he felt and… And how it seemed he could almost feel his heart reaching out to him, calling to him.

Megatron let go of his shoulder, both hands going on either side of Theo’s face as he tilted his head back gently. “I _know_ this all sounds insane. I know it seems impossible Optimus but I ask you, what if it isn’t? What if everything I am telling you is true and, and you only know the first part, Optimus. Four times…” He strangled out, his head lowering until their foreheads bumped against one another and their breath mingled. “Four times I have had to struggle, fight against what they have done to you, each time just to watch them cart you off and fuck with your head once more. You think this is hard for _you_ , huh… Try being on my s-side of things.”

Theo licked his lips once more, his mouth dry from shock and fear, “But… But I… I have a _life_ Megatron, a n-normal life. I, I fell into a coma sure but, but I am normal!” He insisted yet for some reason it sounded far more like a plea than a statement.

Megatron smiled, brushing back some of Theo’s hair as he stared deeply into the smaller man’s wide eyes. “Optimus I think even you know that isn’t true.” He said sadly. “And, and no matter how hard you fight to believe it, how much you wish it were true you know, you have never been normal.”

Theo whimpered, his face scrunching as he fought from breaking down into tears. “I, I l-like my life…” He whispered brokenly.

“Then why are you here?” Megatron asked gently, his eyes endless in their depth and pain. “Why are you searching for more?”

Finally a sob did escape Theo, his eyes burning as he looked away. “I, I didn’t th-think it would be… I thought I would find m-my f-family. I thought I would u-understand my s-scars but I d-didn’t w-want th-this…”

Megatron pulled Theo’s face back to him, his eyes filled with sorrow and understanding. “You will get those answers Optimus but, but they may not be what you want them to be.”

Theo sobbed once more, leaning his head back as tears dripped down the side of his face. “I, I can’t…” He whispered as his hands tore into the wooden door behind him.

“I have all of the answers you seek Optimus.” Megatron said quietly, his thumbs wiping away the smaller man’s tears. “But, but are you brave enough to face them?”

Theo lowered his face, his wet eyes blinking away more tears as he looked at Megatron pleadingly. “I, I don’t kn-know…” He admitted with a sniffle. “I don’t w-want… Ohhh… I just wanted t-to f-fit in with th-this w-world! I didn’t w-want to be a-alone in a r-room full of, of p-people! I w-wanted to, to belong. I don’t want to be alone in this a-anymore…”

Theo felt like his heart was breaking. This, this was insane, it was too much and nothing had made sense this whole time! He didn’t want answers like this! He didn’t want to question his humanity! He wanted to secure it! Assure himself he wasn’t so odd, assure himself that he _was_ normal so that he didn’t always feel so awkward and… And alone.

Yes he had Tawny and Alex but even with them he felt different. Why, why couldn’t he just be FUCKING normal!?

The taller man sighed, his head shaking as he smiled at the broken youth. “You aren’t alone Optimus, not in this. Not anymore. I have you…” Megatron said, his deep voice growing lower and as he lowered his head, his eyes blazing with painful truth as he came closer and Theo could only gasp as their lips touched.

“Mmmmm!” He exclaimed in shock, his body ridged as his heart thundered but only for a moment because as soon as the warmth, the softness of those lips registered through his terror he felt himself moan under their perfection, their strength, and protection and suddenly his arms were wrapped around the man’s neck.

He wasn’t certain what he was doing, the storm of emotions he had felt since this meeting began, since he had seen this man in the alley all coiled together in this bizarre but blindingly natural moment.

Theo whimpered, his body lifting up on his toes as he pulled Megatron closer to him, opening his mouth and allowing the taller man in without a second of hesitation.

Megatron growled hungrily as his tongue slipped between Optimus’s lips, lightly swirling around the smaller man’s wet heat as their kiss became hotter and far deeper than would ever be expected from two strangers but… But they weren’t really strangers, were they?

Theo gasped as Megatron broke their kiss, the taller man moving to his throat, licking and nipping along the tendons there as his hands ran along his bare back.

“Uhhh, gods…” Theo groaned, his head falling back, giving Megatron free reign over his neck as he panted in the man’s arms.

It was just like his dream! The warmth, the comfort, the longing… All of this felt natural, as if they had done it a thousand times before. They moved together as one would a dance partner, their hands caressing spots that they shouldn’t have known were right, tracing scars that were so alien and yet achingly familiar.

All of it was just as Theo had envisioned it would be with this man, how it _should_ be in moments like this, like it had never been with Alex…

Theo’s eyes shot open, a strangled sound escaping him as he suddenly realized where he was, who he was with, and how wrong all of this was!

“NO!” He yelled, pushing hard against Megatron, the taller man stumbling back with a cry before he hit the edge of the bed and landed upon it with a grunt.

Theo stood against the door, his body bent as he gasped for air and shook. “Ohhh, nooo…” He whined, his hands going to his face as his guilt came crashing back over him like a wave of fire. **_Alexander! How, how could I do this to you!_**

Megatron groaned as he pulled himself into a sitting position on the bed. “Optimus?” He asked cautiously, nervous the man was about to have another panic attack.

“I, I can’t!” Theo gasped out, his body rocking as he tried to curl into himself. He lifted his head, his eyes narrowed with pain and self-loathing. “I, I have a mate! I have a family! I c-can’t… Ohhhh…”

Megatron’s eyes narrowed. “You, you _what_?” He asked, his spark pulsing wildly at the smaller man’s unexpected admission.

“I, I am sorry! I didn’t mean to lead you o-on!” Theo bemoaned. “This isn’t your, your fault! You didn’t know… Did you?” He asked, uncertain just how much Megatron knew of him yet as the silver haired man continued to look at him shock and concern grew in his eyes he moaned miserably and covered his face once more. “Ohhh, you didn’t know…”

Megatron shook his head as he tried to wrap his mind around what Optimus had just told him. “Optimus, you… A _mate?_ Who, who is your _mate_? You, you _can’t_ have a mate! You don’t even have…” The silver haired man’s eyes suddenly opened wide sliding down the other man’s body until they stopped at his waist. “They, they gave you interfacing equipment this time?” He asked in curious shock.

Theo pulled his head up, the man’s odd question pulling him from his misery. “Wh-what is interfacing equip…”

A knock suddenly sounded on the other side of the door and Theo yelped as he jumped away from it and scrambled across the room fearfully.

Megatron followed the youth’s frantic trail, his processor reeling with everything that had just been revealed in the last few moments before shaking his head and standing. He growled as he unlocked the door and found Soundwave standing on the other side holding Optimus’s clothing.

“Lord Megatron, time.” Soundwave said as he handed his gifts to the taller man.

Megatron blinked down at Soundwave numbly. “T-time?” He asked, unable to understand why that was important when he heard Optimus keen behind him.

“TIME! Oh frag it all! What time is it!?” He asked as he ran up beside Megatron and quickly grabbed his tee-shirt and hoodie and began getting dressed.

“Eleven a.m.” Soundwave reported, his optics going worriedly to Megatron as the silver haired man remained silent. “Lord Megatron? Orders?”

Megatron peered at Optimus, his spark aching and processor whirling with his own fears and questions. What was he going to do now?

They had hardly even started on answers and if he let Optimus go back would he ever return or would he stay away? **_He, he said he has a family!? He has never had a family! What, what do it I do with this information? How, how can I pull him away from, from…_**

Theo seemed to be considering the same thing and after he pulled his hoodie over his head he looked to Megatron, his bright eyes fearful and questioning.  “Are, are you letting me go?” He asked hesitantly his heart oddly still as he asked.

“I…” Megatron started, looking between the two men as he fought with himself over what to do. “C-Can I trust you?” He asked suddenly, his dark crimson eyes looking at Optimus as desperation filtered through his voice. “C-Can I trust you not to tell anyone about us m-meeting about… About what I told you not even… Not even your f-family.”

Soundwave’s head tilted at that, his own surprise only showing as his eyes seemed to flash but Theo hardly noticed as he studied Megatron closely.

If he said no would Megatron keep him here? Lock him away until by some miracle he could be set free? Or, or if he said yes would he be left alone, left to live his life out like any normal… Normal human?

**_It is clear this man has some, some issues or, or perhaps he is just misinformed but… But he speaks so passionately about some things… Arrrgh, fuck it! Just say yes, get home and deal with this slag later! OR DON’T! But at least then you will be free!_ **

“Yes.” Theo said, his voice low. “I mean, who would believe me anyways?” He muttered with a shrug.

“Far more than you realize.” Megatron growled, his frame turning before striding towards the smaller man. “Optimus, I know you don’t know what to think…”

Theo almost laughed at that exceptionally vague understatement but his breath caught in his throat as Megatron’s eyes blazed down at him. The taller mech’s expression held no humor in it and if anything it made Theo shiver fearfully.

“ _You_ may not believe what you heard but that does not make it any less true.” Megatron continued making sure his words were clear and concise. “Not only that but there are plenty that could hear of your being here and take it as a threat and, and it may not be me that is punished by them but you or, or whomever your family is. So, so please believe me when I say keep this, all of this a secret or else you may just find yourself in another coma, do you understand?”

Theo swallowed hard. “Megatron I… Are you saying I am being watched? Are, are you watching me?”

Megatron snorted, his head turning away as his eyes dimmed. “Not nearly as closely as I wish I could Optimus. I, I didn’t even know you had, had a m-mate…” He shook his head, steeling his expression as he turned back to Optimus. “But that doesn’t mean others aren’t watching every move you make, thus another reason you were taken here the way you were annnd…” He hesitated, a sad smile on his face as he nodded over to Soundwave. “And why you need to be returned the same way.”

Theo’s eyes bulged, “Wait! I said I wouldn’t say anything! You don’t need to drug me!” He exclaimed, stumbling back as Soundwave entered.

“Optimus, they can fuck with your head with a flip of a switch.” Megatron said, his voice heavy. “I am sorry but as much as we want to free you I have others to think of as well. I can’t let you jeopardize their safety.”

“But, _but_ …” Theo stuttered, his voice growing to a shriek as Soundwave lifted his arm a small black gun leveling at his torso. “DAMNIT MEGATRON! Don’t you TRUST ME!?” He screamed just as a thud sounded and pain filled his abdomen.

He looked down, a whimper coming from him as he spied a little dart sticking out of his stomach and an odd warmth began to spread along his skin. The room became fuzzy, his legs shaking a bit as the strength left them as before and just before he fell to the ground two long strong arms caught him.

 “I am sorry Optimus.” Megatron whispered as the youth’s brilliant blue eyes looked up at him, anger and betrayal fleeting through them before they became clouded and his head lolled limply against his chest. “I am sorry but until you are free of them I can’t trust anything you say or do, I hope… I hope you understand.”

 ** _Free of… Free of who?_** Theo mumbled something angry incoherently at the man as his eyes fluttered closed, wishing he had more time to ask questions, to figure out just why this silver haired man was so nervous about things and only seemed to speak in insane riddles.

He hadn’t learned anything today except nonsense! Nonsense given to him from a man that hinted at the fact that he might not be human!?

 ** _He… He’s juss c-crazzy…_** Theo thought, his drugged mind making it hard to remember why he thought the man was crazy or why he _shouldn’t_ like him.

 ** _C-Crazzy but s-smells good. Warmmm tooo…_** He smiled as he curled deeper into the man’s arms, nuzzling his head against Megatron’s chest as he yawned. It was strange how easily he found comfort from this man, how if he just forgot all his unease and just reacted to him naturally how much he realized he… He… Liked the man?

 ** _Nooo, I liiike Al-Alllexander… Dis… Dis other lllike, bigger  liike…Dis…_** He never got to contemplate what that other sort of _like_ may have been as he felt himself give in to the darkness that beckoned him and he let it come feeling safe and secure in the arms of the not so unfamiliar stranger…

…………………………

“Mmmm, h-hate y-yooou…” Optimus muttered before he sighed, his eyes closing as he fell into stasis.

Megatron sighed as he stood, cradling Optimus close to him as he and Soundwave made their way out of the small room.

“Dangerous, Lord Megatron. Unfinished, no certainty. Optimus liability” Soundwave said sternly but his voice did hold some remorse in it, he knew how much this hurt his oldest friend and really, did any of them really know how to handle this situation?

“No choice, Soundwave. If I keep him here, trap him, he really will hate me.” He chuckled bitterly as he peered down at the handsome youth he held. “Instead of just saying it out of frustration.”

“Orders?”

Megatron groaned, his frame creaking because of old wounds and the cold weather. “For now we, we set him free with what little I was able to tell him. I believe he won’t tell anyone, that isn’t my first concern.”

Soundwave titled his head. “Concern is?” He asked gently and his leader sighed.

“My concern is… Is that this may be the last time I will see him, Soundwave.” The silver haired stopped just before the outer door, shifting Optimus and holding him tighter as his spark ached fearfully inside of him. “I failed miserably this time Soundwave. I fucked it all up and now, now I have to send him back out there with no real answers and even more questions. If he calls again, or comes back to us, to me... It will be a miracle. Nevermind the added surprise of, of…”

Soundwave was grabbing their coats as Megatron fell silent and he turned to find his oldest friend staring intently down at the lost Prime. “Megatron?”

“The… The _bastards_ gave him a family Soundwave! They, they fucking… ARRRGH! They knew _, they knew_ the only thing that kept Optimus running to us, believing us was his sense of honor, of protecting something more than himself, fighting for his f-family, his REAL family! US! And, and now…” Megatron laughed brokenly, shaking his head as the weight of that one change meant so much and how it could ruin everything! “How can I convince him to trust us, to come with us now? How can I compete with this, this _false_ family? This FUCKING LIE!?”

 Soundwave peered at Megatron, his eyes glowing in their inhuman way as they studied the larger man. “Optimus will return. Optimus intelligent. Scared now, but curious. Like Orion.”

Megatron scoffed, his head lifting as he nodded to his friend. “Yes… I suppose I can hope for that at least.” He said weakly, setting Optimus down on one of the couches so that he could fit him into his coat for their cold journey.

Once they were all bundled Megatron lifted Optimus up and held him close as Soundwave opened the door. “Did you warn Knockout about who would be with us?” Megatron asked his voice less than enthused as he mentioned the medic.

“Affirmative. Promised competent driving.” Soundwave answered, pulling the hood of his long black trench coat up over his head as he stepped out into the snow.

“He had better.” Megatron growled, peering around the side street they were on carefully. The place they had taken Optimus was new and one of their more secure spots but being cautious was never a bad thing not with enemies hiding behind every corner. **_Oh Optimus, I wish I could just take you away right now, hide you from these monsters but I know with terrifying clarity that then all they would have to do is pull the plug on their most favorite ‘pet project’ and you would be lost to me forever…_**

He sighed, peering down at the warm bundle in his arms, his mouth rising as he spied a smile on Optimus’s face. **_Rest for now and maybe you will be brave enough to come looking for me again. Please, PLEASE be brave enough to face this again… Well if, if you even wish to anymore._**

Megatron grit his denta as he thought of anyone having Optimus besides him, no matter what form the Prime was in. **_A mate… They gave him a fucking mate!?_** He breathed out, forcing himself to calm down even as rage filled him. **_Smart bastards, they are learning what makes Optimus tick. This, this will be harder than I thought…_**

That was a harrowing thought as saving Optimus had already been a wretched venture, leading him and the others to four separate failures but, but he wasn’t ready to give up at least, not if Optimus wasn’t.

 ** _Who shall you choose in the end I wonder?_** The words echoing in his spark and mind as he carried Optimus to the parking lot. **_Will it be this false life or the real one, Optimus? Here you can hide under the lies and that may seem alluring but you are worth more than that! You are a Prime, a hero, and we need you back damnit…_**

 ** _No…_** He thought hollowly, sniffling as his eyes began to burn. **_No, I need you back, my l-love…_**


	5. Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey this is a shorter one but I figured it ended well. It is incredible how many of us can manipulate our realities by simply believing in what we want to see comparably to what is actually there... Sigh, ignorance is bliss, right?

“Hey sleepy head, wake up.”

Theo groaned as the hand on his shoulder continued to shake him. “Mmhhh, don’ wanna…” He mumbled incoherently, turning away from the seemingly blaring voice that continued to nag at him. **_Arrrgh, why does my helm ache so…_**

“Have you been in bed this entire time?” The voice asked and Theo mumbled something in response. He felt something press against his forehead, a hand far cooler than him and he shivered under the touch.

“That is strange, you feel like you are burning up. I would have thought you would be feeling better now.”

Theo grunted, pulling his pillow over his head as he curled into himself. **_I just want to sleep, why do I feel like such slag?_** He ran through what he remembered, he got home late last night, wasn’t feeling very well then, Alexander was there with him and he didn’t eat and then…

Suddenly everything from waking from the dream, to Alex being on his _knees_ as he _serviced_ him, to him waking and feeling nothing but guilt, the phone call, the graveyard and… **_Megatron!_**

Theo bolted upwards, his breaths coming in ragged gasps as he looked around himself just to find he was safely tucked into his bed!? “Uhhh, wh-what?” He mumbled, again having a hard time speaking just as he did when he awoke with Megatron.

“Hey, easy you. You obviously aren’t feeling too well.” Alexander’s voice came from beside him and Theo nearly stopped breathing as he turned and faced the other man, images of his kiss with Megatron running through his mind guiltily.

“A-Allex…” Again he tried to speak but it really only came out in a slurred mess and the older man frowned worriedly at him.

“Awww Theo, you look and sound awful.” Alex said gently, his eyes scanning over the dark rings under his mate’s eyes, and the pale sweaty complexion he held. “Perhaps we should put off calling this John Smith until tomorrow?”

Theo blinked at the other man, his drug addled mind making it hard to understand or decide anything, instead he merely nodded and hummed in agreement.

“I am sorry you are feeling awful, Theo. Have you taken your medicine today?” The taller man asked as he grabbed it off the nightstand.

Even though Theo was taking extra medicine because he was sick there were a few prescriptions he had had to take daily since waking from his coma. His doctor had insisted it would help with his development and any brain injuries he may have sustained after his odd _circumstance_.

Theo didn’t know much about the medicine, apparently it was a new and experimental drug, not something you could find on Google, but he had to admit when he _didn’t_ take it he felt awful.

He took the blue pills, as Alexander handed them to him, watching as the older man walked into the bathroom to grab him some water to swallow them with as his mind raced with questions. **_Was, was it all a dream? How did I get home? How did they get inside? Am, am I just losing my damn mind?_**

He lifted his shirt, looking for any sign of the dart that had struck him but saw nothing that would indicate getting shot with a tranquilizer, or whatever it was. **_It would be a needle point I am looking for anyways… Maybe it is just so small I can’t…_**

He shook his head as he lowered his shirt once more. **_What the fuck is going on? Was it all a dream? Just a far more real feeling dream? Did I even go there?_**

As he sat stewing in his confusion Alex returned with a glass of water. “Here handsome.” He said with a gentle smile before sitting back down next to Theo.

“Th-thank yoou…” Theo mumbled out as he popped the two pills into his int.. _mouth_ , and took a long swig of water.

Alex watched him approvingly. “Good. Now, since we are not exploring the unknown today, maybe it is a good idea for you to stay in bed and rest.”

Theo nodded silently, his thoughts still reeling when he suddenly remembered the cell phone he had received from Megatron… He could look at that and know for certain if he had called the man. **_If the accursed thing even exists… I feel so out of it, I don’t know if anything was real._**

He shifted his legs, “I am hunngy…” He muttered with a smile, hating how good at lying he was becoming when it had to do with Alex. “Downstairs?” He asked, rising to his shaky legs.

Alex shook his head in defeat. “Theo, I could easily bring you some break… Well _lunch_ in bed.” He insisted as he too stood and walked over to help the smaller man stumble across the room.

“Iss okay. Mmm ok.” Theo assured the other man, smiling up at him as the two of them slowly made their way down the stairs.

It seemed the more he moved the better control he was gaining over his body and by the bottom of the stairs he didn’t really need Alex’s help. “Hold… Hold on, just gotta check something.” Theo said to the older man once they were at the bottom, his eyes on his jacket that was hung along the wall near the front door.

Alex titled his head curiously. “Alright, handsome. I will get some food started for us.” The taller man said, kissing Theo lightly on the top of his head before moving towards the kitchen.

Theo smiled guiltily, peering over at his mate and making sure he was far enough into the kitchen that he couldn’t see the front door before he hurried to his jacket. His hands were shaking as he dug into his first pocket, his eyes fleeting from his jacket to the kitchen as he rummaged around nervously.

**_Arrrgh… Where is it?_** His frustration, fear, and self-loathing grew as he didn’t discover it in the first pocket, and he scrambled to the next. **_It is my fault for lying! I should just tell him, I should just trust him and tell him everything but… But what could I really say?_**

His heart was pounding as he hunted, and he almost thought maybe he had dropped the phone, or maybe lost it? He was so damn confused anyways he wasn’t even certain if he had even received the damn thi…

Finally the cool smooth plastic of the flip phone hit his fingers and he nearly yelped as he ripped his hand back as if he had been burned. He stood there shaking in the hall as he stared at his jacket. **_Well, at least I know that is real…_** He thought to himself, uncertain how he felt about that revelation.

He peered behind him hearing the clatter of dishes coming from the kitchen as Alex began making their food. **_Just check, real quick and, and see if you did what you think you did._**

He was terrified suddenly. He was terrified that what had happened today, or what he thought had happened was true, that he had gone to Megatron heard some insane man talk about how there was a chance he wasn’t _human_ , and the kiss, all the while hiding it from his mate!?

Was he capable of such deception?

He sighed, shaking his head as he set his expression and placed his hand in the pocket once more. He was nervous about pulling it out in case Alex walked into the hall and saw him holding something he clearly shouldn’t have but he had to kno…

His searching stopped as he felt a piece of paper that was evidently slipped in between the flip phone and he pulled just the paper from his pocket with a frown. **_A letter?_**

Once more he peered over his shoulder before turning back as he slowly scanned over the folded note. Swallowing hard he quietly unfolded it and felt his heart fall to his stomach…

_{-Optimus,_

_I am sorry for the way we needed to part ways. I am giving you this chance to make a choice, as much as it pains me to do so. I was unaware of your family and if you choose them over the truth, well I find myself unable to rip you from the chance for peace. The truths I have for you will be painful, they will be heavy, and unbelievable, at first, but as I said before that does not make them any **less true**. So now you have the chance to make a choice, stay in the lie and perhaps live in ignorant bliss or, or come back to me, discover the truth, and find your true family._

_If you choose the truth either call me, or meet back at the bridge. I will be looking for you, but not forever. I must take care of my family, of OUR family as well and every moment I waste on waiting for you they are placed in more danger. I will wait for you for one week---}_

The writing on the note became more exaggerated, as if whoever was writing it had struggled to pen the words.

_{-One week, Optimus. That is all I can promise. I hope this isn’t the end, and I know I write this selfishly but I…  I LOVE YOU and if I am to lose you forever I just wanted you to know that._

_MEGATRON-}_

Theo couldn’t breathe, didn’t blink, and his hands were shaking so badly he almost dropped the note yet his fingers were holding onto it so desperately it wouldn’t have slipped from him. He felt both hot and cold at the same time, mourning and rejoicing in unison.

He could forget this man, forget this man and ignore his rants and insanity and return to his life, _his normal life_! He finally let a strangled breath escape him and immediately felt dizzy as he did so. **_He will leave me alone! I, I can return to my life and ignore this whole nightmare! … … But, then he will be gone forever? Why, why does that b-bother me?_**

He scanned over the scribbled, hardly legible part of the note and again felt his heart clench as he reread the words there… **_He, he loves me…_**

Theo leaned against the adjacent wall in the hall, his arms hanging by his sides as he worked through the chaos both in his heart and mind. He didn’t know what to think and had no idea why!

Clearly this man was not right. There was something wrong with him and his insane theories and stories were just some sick ruse or, or game. **_I used to yell about Megatron in the hospital, maybe he worked there and heard my story and, and now wants to, to… I don’t know!_**

He knew that sounded like another crazy theory but comparably to him not being human it certainly seemed to be the _less_ insane version, and he sighed as he fed into it. **_Yeah, maybe he found out about my story and is now trying to fuck with my head… So, so if I don’t go to him will he actually leave me alone?_**

He tilted his head downwards, scanning over the now slightly crumpled paper he held and realized he believed the man _would_ leave him alone. Now, _why_ he believed that he wasn’t sure but that thought was not only reassuring but, but terrifying… **_ARRRRGH, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?_**

He growled angrily, crumpling the paper into a ball and throwing it into the waste basket near the front door in frustration. He stared at the basket, his heart burning oddly at the sight but his mind was _set_!

**_I have spent far too much time trying to find some semblance of normalcy here! I love Tawny and, and I will grow to love Alexander! I am not going to play this bastard’s game and give up all of this! I, I am going to meet people from my past soon, my HUMAN past, and all of my questions will be answered truthfully!_ **

He huffed, straightening himself as he ignored the fire in his heart and focused solely on what _truths_ were all around him. **_I am human, I am Theo Jones! I HAVE a loving family, a mate I never deserved, a wonderful home, a decent job… I have everything I need._**

He nodded stiffly before striding back down the hall and entering the kitchen. There he smiled at the wonderful, real, and perfectly simple sight of his mate cooking for them at the stove.

“Hey handsome. Why don’t you sit down? I am almost…” Alex stopped as Theo suddenly walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around him tightly.

The older man smiled at the rare show of affection Theo was displaying. “Hey, you alrigh…”

“Thank you, Alexander.” Theo whispered, his head nuzzling into his partner’s back as he held him. “Thank you for always being there for me. It, this, this whole life means more to me than I can ever explain.”

Alex placed his spatula down and turned from his work to face the smaller man, he frowned as he found tears in Theo’s eyes. “Heeey, what is going on handsome? What is this all abo…” Again his words were halted as Theo lifted his head and pressed his lips against the older man’s.

Theo moaned as he kissed his mate, his _true_ mate, his hands sliding along the man’s back, their tongues sliding against one another’s and breathing hot and ragged and Alex kissed him back just as passionately.

As they deepened their kiss, both moving against one another feverishly Theo celebrated inwardly. _This_ is where he belonged! _This_ was his family! _This_ was his future! He had made the right decision finally and even, even if this kiss didn’t feel the same as that man’s, didn’t feel as frighteningly natural, and soft, and r-right it, it didn’t ch-change a th-thing…

Right?


	6. Truth and Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer one where we get to see the result of Theo's choice, the good and bad. I am warning everyone the NEXT chapter will be heavy, thus why I updated the tags on this story and rated it E. So, just letting you know.. Anywho, enjoy! Sorry for errors

The next few days went by with a sense of ease for Theo and he and Alexander were doing better than ever, in his opinion. Both of them took a little more time to spend together, Alex more than excited about how much closer Theo was these days especially in regards to how much more comfortable the younger man had becoming physically with him.

They hadn’t explored anything sexually since that first night but there were far more kisses and hugs than normal and the older man was reveling in the attention.

Theo also made sure to spend more time with Tawny, taking her out of school to visit some museums or shop for Christmas presents for Theo. He may have not understood the concept of people celebrating a god child by spending a ridiculous amount of money on gifts but, he still enjoyed getting the chance to splurge on his family.

He hadn’t heard from Megatron since he had mysteriously made it home on Wednesday, and had done everything in his power to ignore the man’s existence. It worked well enough during his waking hours, there were plenty of things to focus on to keep him from thinking of the man but at night, in his dreams he never was able to escape.

One night he dreamt of Megatron on his knees, the man silent as his head hung low and he seemed to be crying as he held something close to his spark.

In the dream Theo had slowly walked towards the man, quietly as to not draw attention to himself, and had peered over the other man’s shoulder to see what he was holding but it was something he couldn’t understand.

 It had been a ball of glowing light, its light blue and sparkling happily almost, and Theo couldn’t understand why such a thing would make the man so sad until he realized Megatron was whispering heartfelt goodbyes to the light.

It was then the silver haired man opened his hands and released the ball of light. It floated before him for a moment, crackling and yet dimming and it seemed to be hesitant to abandon the man but eventually began floating away, and the last thing he saw was Megatron collapsing in on himself as he sobbed wretchedly.

Theo had awoken in a cold sweat that night, his body shaking terribly as he stood and made his way to the bathroom. He had looked at himself in the mirror and was surprised to find streaks of tears down the sides of his face and immediately broke down on his own, though he didn’t understand why, like usual.

Another dream was one of light and pain and unlike anything he had ever heard about having. He had felt like he was stuck somewhere, bound even, as his arms and legs couldn’t move even an inch from where he lay. A deep laugh had come from the blinding light and he had desperately searched for the source.

Pain thrummed through his body, like he had fire going through his veins, but the worst pain had been in his chest. He had tried to lift his head to discover why his chest hurt so badly yet had only been able to do so enough to find a huge cable leading down to his chest, or he assumed as he couldn’t see where the cable was attached.

A beep sounded somewhere and then the fire in his veins increased dramatically and he had fallen back to darkness, but not before he whispered Megatron’s name, and he remembered how his voice had sounded desperate, mournful…

He hadn’t startled awake from that dream but when he awoke in the morning he could stop rubbing his wrists, remembering the feeling of the binds there.

Yet, even with the odd dreams Theo was doing his damndest to enjoy his life, his perfect, ordinary life.

…………….

“Ohhh, looook!” Tawny cried as she pulled Theo down the shopping Mall’s long hall. “Papa would love a new one!” She said excitedly as she pointed towards a book shop.

Theo chuckled as he was dragged, struggling to keep the bags he held from flying out of his hands and keep ahold of the excited six year old at the same time. “Alright, alright Tawny. Not so fast!” He complained but there was joy in his voice as he said it.

They had been shopping for nearly _two_ hours and he was exhausted! He envied the energy the girl had and even though he was feeling better now as his sickness seemed to finally be leaving him, he still was having trouble keeping up with her limitless supply.

It was almost noon on a Friday and with the holiday traffic in the Mall getting anywhere quickly was nearly impossible. He apologized to a few people as his numerous bags banged into them and received varied grumbles in response. For being such a liberal city as many said Boston was, the majority of its people were still plenty angry.

He was just about to make it to the book store when his cell phone rang.

“Hold on Tawny, I think it is you father.” Theo cried, happy to have the excuse to pause for a moment, and he steered them over to one of the walls in the Mall as he dug into his coat pocket for his phone. “Stay with me alright?” He instructed the girl, smiling as she nodded, placed her hands behind her back and did exactly as she was told. “You are such a good girl Tawny.” He told her with a gentle smile.

“Good enough for a treat?” She asked shyly and Theo rolled his eyes.

“Maaaybe. Let us make it through this chaos first and then we will see.” He said with a wink and she giggled as she knew that meant yes.

He frowned as he dug deeper into his pocket, not understanding why he hadn’t found his phone when his finger brushed against the smooth edge of something else, Megatron’s flip phone. His heart jumped at the reminder of his weakness, and he cleared his throat as he quickly changed pockets to find the right phone.

He hated that he still had the damned thing and had on numerous occasions considered just dumping the one he had received from the silver haired man but, but each time he pulled it out, more than ready to be rid of the thing he, he never could and he always returned it to his jacket, guilt hanging over him each time.

He again didn’t know why he didn’t just get rid of the thing but he hoped after the week had passed he would be able to do it, after the week Megatron said he would wait for him. The week had begun on Wednesday so he only had…

**_Arrrrgh, stop it! Stop counting down the days damnit!_ **

He would be lying to himself if he didn’t admit every day that passed his anxiety seemed to grow but he had made his choice! He had chosen Alex! He had chosen his family!

Finally he grabbed ahold of his smart phone, smiling at the picture of Tawny and Alex before he slid the icon to answer it. “Hello?” He said with a sigh and laughter filled his ear.

“Ahhh, shopping is going well then?” Alex asked and Theo chuckled.

“Well no one has been trampled yet.” The younger man joked, winking at Tawny once more as she giggled.

“No, that was on Black Friday.” Alex said through his laughter and Theo shook his head in disbelief. Maybe he was from Japan after all because he never understood the American tradition of losing their minds over sales.

“What is going on Alexander? Do you need something?” Theo inquired kindly.

There was a pause on the other line and Theo frowned in confusion. “Alexan…”

“Ummm, I did something today Theo and, and I hope you don’t get angry at me for it.” Alex said nervously.

Theo’s frown deepened. “I find it difficult for you to do something that would make me…”

“I called the number.” The older man spouted out suddenly and Theo pursed his lips as he tried to understand what number his mate could be talking abo…

**_Oh frag…_ **

Suddenly he dug into a different pocket, the one that he kept Jon Smith’s number and realized his suspicions were correct, Alex had taken it!

His heart was hammering inside of him and he felt a bit dizzy, not only because Alex had finally done what he was too afraid of but that the older man had gone into his jacket without him knowing and, and had he gone in the wrong pocket he would have found Megatron’s phone! **_What if… Oh gods! I, I need to get rid of this! What if he saw it? What if he has seen it? Ohhhh, I am so awful! Why can’t I just forget that crazy son of a…_**

“Theo? Ohhh no, you _are_ angry at me, aren’t you?” Alex bemoaned over the line and Theo had to pull himself from his desperately reeling thoughts to answer.

“What, no, nooo… A, a little s-surprised but…” He mumbled, his voice weak from his panic.

“I am sorry, handsome. I just… It has been so many days and I was worried you were too afraid to do it so… So I did.” Alex told him, his own voice guilt ridden.

Theo breathed out heavily. “Ummm, o-ok… It is alright.” He said as he forced his mind to get back on track. “Ok, so… So what…”

“They want to meet up, come to the house. I ahhh, well they don’t live around here evidently and only have a little time so… So I told them to come over tonight.”

“ _Tonight!?”_ Theo strangled out, his heart again thundering inside of him and he stumbled back into the wall behind him.

“Theo? You ok?” Tawny asked timidly and he forced a smile on his face as he nodded numbly.

“F-fine, fine… Umm, ok t-tonight, oh my.” He whispered, shock and fear ripping through him.

“Theo, I, I am sorry for springing this on you but if you are too uncomfortable we can reschedule.” Alex assured him and Theo shook his head, even though the other man couldn’t see it.

“No, noo it is fine. I, I am j-just nervous.” He said with a broken chuckle as he ran his hand through his hair.

“I know handsome but don’t you worry, Tawny and I will be right there with you. You aren’t alone in this.” Alex said softly.

“I know, Alexander…” Theo answered. “And I thank you for it.”

“I love you Theo and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” Alex said, his voice strong and loving. “Alright, I am almost off. Why don’t you guys take the bus home now so you can have a little time to prepare.”

“Yeah, yeah I… We were almost done anyways.” Theo muttered feeling bad as Tawny looked at him sadly.

“Ok, I will see you at home and Theo, it will all be alright.” Alex said before a click was heard and the phone went dead.

Theo lowered his shaking hand, his eyes staring at the floor when he felt Tawny’s little hand wrap around his wrist. “We need to leave?” She asked sadly and Theo nodded, shaking his head as he focused on getting him and Tawny home safe.

“We do but first, ice cream.” He said, his voice sounding far more in control than he felt.

“Ice cream in the winter?” The little girl asked with a laugh.

“Well technically it isn’t _actually_ winter until around December twentieth so, I think it is appropriate.” He joked, forcing himself out of his panicked state for the girl’s sake at least, and he grabbed her hand as he led her to an ice cream stand.

“I guess,” she said with a shrug. “But there is snow on the ground.”

Theo laughed, grateful for wonderful distraction of Tawny and felt his heart ease, at least a little because of her presence. “I love you Tawny.” He told the girl, his hand squeezing her little one.

“I love you! Oh, and ice cream, in the fall!” She exclaimed with a failed wink and he laughed harder as she just blinked forcibly at him with both eyes. **_Ohh, the wonder of children… See, I made the right choice, I did…_**

**_…………………………_ **

They got home around 1:30 in the afternoon, walking along the slush covered sidewalks as they laughed and chatted together. Luckily Tawny had her waterproof snow boots on as she was currently jumping in every puddle, or mess of slush she could.

The weather was finally nice, warm even for early December a balmy sixty degrees, thank you climate change, and now all of the collected snow was melting into dark muddy slush. The sun was even out today, highlighting the dead grass and bare trees in all their glorious shades of grey and brown. Without snow winter was a rather dismal looking time of year.

“Arrrgh, Tawny you are going to get covered in mud!” Theo grumbled with a laugh watching the girl jump into another huge chunk of melting snow.

“No way! Watch this!” She cried, running a little more ahead, aiming for a very deep looking puddle that was parked next to a stunningly beautiful, and oddly clean red car.

Theo’s eyes bulged. “NO TAWNY!” He cried, trying to stop the girl from her conquest of the puddle just to watch in horror as she jumped higher than ever and _slammed_ down into the pool of filthy water.

A keen came from Theo as the water erupted upwards around the girl, Tawny squealing in delight at how high it went before gravity did what it does best and all of the disgusting water rained back down on her, and the gloriously perfect car next to her.

“Ohh, Taaawny…” Theo groaned as he ran towards the now mud covered child. “Look at what you did…” He said, gesturing from her to the car.

“Oh…” She whispered as she spied the car. “S-sorry?” She said as she peered up at Theo with her big brown eyes.

“Sorry isn’t going to cut it! When the owner of this car retur…” He never got to finish as the door to the car suddenly opened and a woman stepped out with a long winded whine.

 ** _Oh no…_** Theo thought despairingly as he pulled Tawny behind him in case the woman decided to lose it on the girl, but so far the brilliantly red headed woman seemed focused on the car and the mess there alone.

“Ohhh, look at thaaat! I mean, I just washed her! _Just waaaaaashed_!” The woman whimpered before spinning on Theo and Tawny, her stunningly beautiful face scrunching up as she stared them down. “DO you have any idea how _hard_ it is to keep a car clean in winter!?” She squealed, yet her voice wasn’t exceptionally loud, and Theo thought maybe, blessedly the woman was trying to control herself for Tawny’s sake.

“I, I am so sorry.” He said quickly as he scanned over the woman. She was, beautiful, well if you liked overly bright and shinning people.

She wore a tight form fitting red and white leather jacket, long tight jeans, with bright red… Pumps, he thought they were called, on her feet. Her makeup was perfect and hair styled very much like the fish woman movie Tawny liked to watch. It was an odd outfit, one that screamed racer but with class, and beauty.

“I, I can pay for…” He started, just to watch the overly dramatic yet desperately trying to remain controlled, women wave him off.

“It, pheeeeeew… No… It is fine, it is. Yup, _everything is fiiine._ ” She smiled even though Theo was fairly certain at least one of her eyes were twitching.

“No really. I can give you the money to take your car to the wash. There is Bucky’s right up the street.” He insisted, pointing up towards the gas station he was talking about and a strangled chuckled came from the woman.

“Ohhh… _How sweet._ ” She said with another forced grin. “But, no. _This_ is a limited edition Bugatti Divo, you can’t just get a car like this washed at a gas station with a name like _Bucky’s.”_ She exclaimed in restrained shock and disgust.

Theo smiled patiently at the obviously well off woman. “Alright, well name your price and…”

The woman shook her head, her shimmering hair glittering in the sunlight as she did so. “No, trust me it is fin…”

“You are really pretty.” Tawny suddenly remarked, and the woman blinked in surprise as she peered at the little girl that was sticking her head out from behind Theo’s legs.

“Oh, thank you my dear.” She said, a blush forming on her cheeks as she smiled wider and flicked her hair behind her shoulder. “You probably would be as well were it not for the ummm, _filth_.”

As Tawny giggled Theo groaned and looked around them, hoping they were close to home and was surprised when he found himself standing right in front of their apartment building. “Oh, Tawny, why don’t you go unlock the door and get a change of clothes. You will need a bath before your father comes home.”

“Okay!” She chirped out happily, grabbing the keys from Theo as she skipped up the steps. “Goodbye pretty lady!” She cried with a wave before unlocking the door and disappearing inside.

Theo smiled fondly at the girl before turning back to the woman only to find an oddly sad and contemplative look on her face.

“Your, your daughter?” She asked, her voice pleasant yet heavy.

“Oh, umm…” Theo wasn’t sure how to really answer that but as this woman was a stranger… “Yes, she is.” He said with another proud smile yet was confused further as the woman looked away, a frown forming on her red lips. **_I wonder why she would seem sad about that? Maybe she wants kids?_**

He hummed thoughtfully, peering at the car and was about to insist on giving the woman something for her trouble when a strange itch started at the back of his head and he realized he recognized this car or… Or thought he did.

“Forgive me but, you said this car was a limited edition?” He inquired and the woman nodded slowly as she also looked over the car.

“One of a kind.” She mumbled, again sounding so much less enthusiastic than before.

Theo chuckled. “You know it is the strangest thing, I… I feel like I have seen this car before.” He said, his free hand rubbing the back of his neck as he laughed yet his laughing died out as her eyes opened wide and worry flickered in them.

“This, this car?” She asked with a nervous chuckle. “Noo, not possible. One of a kind, remember? Haha…”

Theo titled his head at the odd woman. “Umm, yeah, I guess not. I mean, definitely not in a neighborhood like this at least. Are, are you visiting family?” He asked wondering how a woman as refined and wealthy as she clearly was would be in his neighborhood, parked right in front of his house…

 His frown mirrored her own as that realization struck him and he gasped as he looked at her closer wondering if she could possibly be whom they were supposed to meet later. True she looked nothing like him with her pale white skin, red hair, and just a few freckles on her cheeks but there was an air of familiarity to her like, like he remembered someone just like…

“Family no…” She said quietly, her oddly red eyes dimming as she looked up at him sadly. “Just checking on an old friend but, but he… He is ummm busy with his, his family.” She said with another forced smile but her voice rang with regret.

“Oh, I am sorry.” Theo said just as quietly, his blue eyes stuck on her red ones. They reminded him so much of Megatron’s it was uncanny and he was surprised he hadn’t noticed them straight off.

“Ahem,” She cleared her throat and then smiled wider. “Guess I should be off then nothing, nothing here for… For me.”

Theo nodded numbly, stepping back as she opened the car’s door and sat down inside of it. “Umm, have a good day Opt… Umm, sir.” She fumbled, a bright blush rising on her checks and Theo felt his heart clench and he stepped forwards in a rush.

“Wait! Were just going to say…” He never finished as she slammed to door and the overly expensive car roared to life loudly. He watched in stunned silence as the woman backed up, and swiftly peeled out of the parking spot, nearly getting hit by a bus as she sped away.

“What the frag…” Theo whispered, watching the bright red car zoom away until it finally disappeared. **_Did, was she going to call me Optimus?_**

“Hey handsome!”

“Ahhh!” Theo cried as a hand suddenly fell to his shoulder and he nearly dropped the bags he was holding as he spun and found Alex looking at him in surprise.

“Sorry. Are you alright?” Alexander asked as he looked over Theo’s wide eyes.

“What, oh yeah…” He muttered shaking his head as he smiled at his mate. “Sorry, I was just uhhh, focused…”

Alex laughed, “I noticed, ummm Theo, where is Tawny?”

“Oh…Inside, she, there was a puddle.” He said as he followed the older man up the stairs.

“Oh, good lord.” Alex said with a laugh as he opened the door and instantly groaned as he spotted the muddy footsteps than ran along the hall. “Arrgh, TAWNY! What have I told you about taking your shoes off AT the DOOR!”

Theo smiled as Alex grumbled yet he couldn’t help but peer behind him. **_Who was that woman and why did she feel so familiar? She sounded like she wanted to call me Optimus but, but maybe not…_**

He sighed as he placed his bags down and took his jacket off, completely forgetting about his earlier thought of getting rid of the phone as he began his normal activities… He had more things to worry about now, like meeting these people from his past in a few hours…

He sighed, his heart tightening as his fear grew. **_I can’t wait for things to get back to normal. I miss when things were simpler…_**

**_………………………._ **

The hours went by very quickly, between washing Tawny, putting his gifts away, helping Tawny and Alex with dinner, and taking a shower himself it seemed all Theo needed to do was blink and suddenly it was time to face his destiny, face his past and he prayed to any god that would listen that tonight would go far better than his time with Megatron.

 ** _Well at the very least they will prove to me how human I really am._** He thought bitterly, nervously.

“Theo, you are pacing.” Alexander said with a chuckle as the younger man walked across the living room for the tenth time.

“I, I am sorry Alexander. I just… I can’t sit still!” Theo bemoaned, his hands running through his wet hair as he tried to still his whirling thoughts.

“I am excited! Does this mean I will have another Yia-Yia?” Tawny asked as she sat on the couch and kicked her legs happily. She was dressed in a very bright pink dress, much to her dismay, one that had matching slippers and ruffles along the bottom.

Her and Alex had made a deal, suffer through the dress ,and she could stay up past eight. So far she had managed to not lose her mind and rip the dress off like a wrestler and run screaming away but she seemed nearly as uncomfortable as he was.

“Perhaps sweetie.” Alex answered as he stood and paused Theo’s constant pacing by grasping onto his arms. “Hey, it will be fine, love.”

Theo had to stop from flinching at the word love, still unused to hearing Alex use it so easily. “I know, I just…”

_Ding Dong_

All of them stopped as the doorbell went off and Tawny squealed as she jumped off the couch. “I have it!” She cried, scrambling for the door before either of her fathers could stop her.

“Tawny!” Alex cried, following after the girl as Theo remained frozen in the living room.

He was terrified, and anxious, and… Would he recognize them right away? Would his heart warm at the sight of them? Would he remember their stories, or would things come back to him at all?

 ** _Please, please Primu… God, please let them have the answers?_** He prayed as the front door opened and voices sounded. He exhaled heavily as he straightened his shoulders and stood tall. **_This is it, this is my past! I will get the answers I seek!_**

As the voices drew closer, Alex welcoming their visitors and thanking them for coming he held his breath just to watch a little old Japanese couple walk into the living room and stare at him with wet eyes.

“Ohh… Akihiko…” The old man gasped, his voice thick with accent as he held tight to the woman next to him.

Theo swallowed painfully as he nodded at the couple. “O-me ni kakarete kōei desu...” He answered bowing before the two, surprised at how easily Japanese came to him, even if he wasn’t one hundred percent certain he had the right tense, or such. The language didn’t feel natural though, more like something he studied poorly, or something he could get from the internet and that… That worried him.

Shouldn’t his language flow even if he had had a coma? He knew hundreds of languages but none of them were perfect, as he learned from trying Greek with Alex. It was like someone had downloaded Google translate into him but hadn’t bothered to work out the specif… **_NO! Stop this, you are just being overly critical! Downloaded into you… Stop being a fool! You can’t download information into a human!_**

The couple didn’t seem to mind his grammar though as they sadly stumbled towards him, the woman grasping at his arm and he smiled as she peered up at him. “Ohh, my baby…” She said in English as she walked in closer and held him tight, the man doing the same and Theo… Theo tried to feel _something_.

He peered up at his family, watching as Tawny cheered and clapped in Alex’s arms, the older man smiling happily at him and yet for all the joy in the room, for all the cheers, tears, and clapping Theo just felt _empty_.

He didn’t feel a morsel of recognition, a single pull of attachment to these people not like he had with…

“Umm, Let us sit?” He suggested kindly to the two weeping elders, gesturing to the couch as his heart fell.

Everyone in the group laughed, Tawny immediately sitting between the couple and telling them all about her as he and Alex sat on the opposite couch.

Everyone seemed so happy, so excited for this reunion and as Theo peered around himself he just felt… Awful.   ** _Maybe, maybe it is just my nerves. Maybe as we talk my fears will ease and something will come to me… Maybe?_** Unfortunately though, as the hours passed and questions were answered his fear and a growing sense of resentment grew more than anything.

He sat there numbly through it all, hardly asking any questions, but luckily Alex did for him and the couple, Daisuke and Tomoko, didn’t disappoint, not really for they had an answer for _everything_.

Concerning his scars and ability to fight; he had evidently been in the Japan Ground Self-Defense Force when he was younger and had been caught in an explosion.

Why he had come North America; after his wounds had healed he had fought with his father over being gay and he had fled his family. His father apparently felt terrible for his discrimination, and there was a good half hour of tears and polite apologies for that, Alex nodding sympathetically as he gripped Theo’s hand tightly through it all and Theo merely smiled emptily.

His understanding of languages; as he began to learn English he realized his love of languages and studied at a university to become an interpreter...

Question after question, answer after answer... Hours of information and stories, some sad, some happy, all of it unrecognizable.

Somethings they couldn’t answer because apparently when he first came to the Americas he and his mother kept contact but eventually he got so busy with what he was doing he lost contact with her and then, then it was years without a word but, but for the most part they knew everything, had an answer for _everything!_

It should have been perfect, it should have been a relief, it should have given him a _foundation_ for the _future_ but as Theo listened the only, the ONLY thing he felt was that all of this was just _wrong._

Every answer seemed almost practiced, it seemed thought over, planned. He didn’t feel a single thread of familiarity with these people, nor their stories. He could possibly understand being a soldier but he had no specific memories, or even feelings of ever being in Japan, or going through boot camp…

Nothing they said connected with him, nothing! Not like… Not like he had with  _Megatron_  the _moment_ he saw the man in a _dimly lit alley_ and that, _THAT_ burned terribly in his heart. How could he feel more from his short time with Megatron than, than his supposed parents!?

After another round of stories Theo finally couldn’t take it anymore and slowly stood up from the couch before bowing. “Please excuse me. I will be right back.” He said kindly, stiffly walking from the room and towards the downstairs bathroom.

He almost couldn’t open to door for how terribly his hands were shaking yet finally with a growl he nearly crushed the damn knob and ripped the door open before running inside and shutting the door behind him.

He leaned against the door, panting as he forced himself to calm down, to remain in control! **_What is wrong with me!?_**

After a few moments he pushed himself away from the door, walking over to the sink and splashing his face a few times before groaning and leaning heavily against it.

He rested his hands on the side of the sink, his eyes glowing their eerie blue as he stared at himself in the mirror there. He _looked_ like them, sort of, but only because of his heritage other than that he saw not One. Fucking. Thing. That tied him to these people!

 ** _Am I being too picky? Am I not giving them a chance? Alex seems to like them and I trust him!_** He growled once more, raking his fingers through his hair as he tried to control the panic that was now filling him.

Why, _why_ did he feel _nothing_ but anger at these people, he felt like they were liars, pretenders, and that they lied so easily, that they played the part with tears in their eyes just made it all the worst!

“Is it just me?” He gruffly asked his reflection, one he had never connected with either. He snarled, his eyes narrowing as he stared at himself. “My name is Akihiko.” He said to himself, feeling the name on his tongue and yet it too just felt _wrong_ and his anger grew.

“My name is _Akihiko._ I am from _Japan_ , I studied to be an _interpreter_ , I was in the _armed forces_. I am Akihiko! I…” He keened, his heart thundering as he glared at the face before him, and the _fucking_ stranger that glared back at him.

“My name is…. ARRRGH, NO IT ISN’T!” He cried, instantly berating himself for getting so loud and worked up and his optics burned with frustration.

He sighed, lowering his head and staring at the drain as he forced himself to calm down. “I’m not… I am not that person.” He whispered and felt more truth from those words than _anything_ he had heard tonight.

Tears dripped down from his eyes and he swiped them away angrily before lifting his head and facing the stranger in the glass once more. He frowned as he looked into his own eyes, the one thing that actually felt recognizable to him, even if they weren’t perfectly his but still, that glow… That glow that made them so unnerving to some, made him appear so different, so… **_Inhuman…_**

He looked away a moment, his mind racing when a thought came to him and he slowly, reverently turned back to the mirror.

“My name is Optimus.” He muttered quietly his eyes flashing as he said it and he gasped, stumbling away from the mirror as his heart thudded painfully, eagerly in his chest. **_What the frag!?_**

He stood there shaking, his hand going to his chest and clutching at his shirt there before he stepped back towards the mirror. “My name is O-Optimus.” He said again, this time a little louder and he sobbed at how perfect that sounded. “My name is Optimus, my name is Optimus, my name… Arrrgh fuck!”

He stumbled back again, his heart and mind reeling. “Why…” He asked no one, wiping at his tears. “Why does it have to be this? Why does it have to be the name Megatron gave me?” He whispered brokenly, wrapping his arms around himself protectively.

He scanned over his reflection, hating how weak he looked, how out of control he felt yet when he said that name, when he looked into Megatron’s eyes, spoke with him, k-kissed him it had all felt so real, far more real than his own reflection, his apparent family, his bullshit history but if he were to accept that, accept what little he had learned from the achingly familiar yet verifiably insane silver haired man then… Then he would need to deny being hu-human?

“ _I know this all sounds insane. I know it seems impossible Optimus but I ask you, what if it isn’t? What if everything I am telling you is true?”_

Megatron’s voice rang in his hel..head… Theo frowned, one thing the people never explained was why he called his body parts different things.

He peered at himself once more. “My heart is my spark.” He said hesitantly and again, there was no flicker of doubt. “My heart is my spark, my body my frame, my head my helm, my eyes my optics…” With every statement his confidence and fear grew.

These words had come to him naturally since the beginning. They had been the most original things he had and had fought to be rid of them all along the way but now, now after questioning so much and hearing his history spilled out before him like one would tell a story to a child, no a _sparkling_ , he felt an unexpected comfort come from saying them.

He leaned in close to the mirror, his breath fogging the glass as he stared into his blue optics, his spark pounding inside of his frame. “My name is Optimus… My name is Optimus Prime.” His optics bulged as pain filled his helm and he stumbled back, slamming into the wall behind him as the pain grew excruciating and white light filled his vision.

“Arrrrrgh!” His hands flew to his head, gripping it tightly as agony tore through his mind. It felt like something had been triggered, some unknown memory, or line he wasn’t supposed to cross!

He gasped raggedly, fighting against whatever was happening to him, fighting to stay conscious when Alex suddenly called to him from the other side of the door. “Hey handsome, I want to stick your parents number in your phone. Where is it?”

Theo groaned, pushing past the pain to answer. “Ummm, my coat.” He said, hoping his voice sounded far less strained than he felt. It seemed focusing on Alex, or anything but his, his _name_ helped to ease the pain and he sighed as he stood, blinking blearily at the mirror when he noticed blood coming from his nose.

“What?” He grated out, stumbling towards the mirror and staring in horror as the red liquid continued to drip out of him. He shook his head, grabbing one of the hand towels next to the sink before dabbing at his nose.

It was odd to see his blood as he had only been injured maybe twice since awakening, neither of which had produced so much of the liquid. His shock grew as he pulled the towel away and he peered down at it to find some blue mixing in with the red?

Confused, he again brought his helm close to the mirror, lifting his nose up and sure enough, a thin line of blue colored blood slipped out of him. **_Blue!? But, but blood is only blue when it isn’t oxygenized! What, what is wrong with…_**

A knock sounded on the other side of the door, and Theo scrambled to wipe the odd colored liquid away before he vented deeply, hid the towel behind him, and opened the door.

“I am sorry, I was just…” He started with a hopefully steady smile yet he quickly frowned as he peered up and saw Alex’s oddly stern and angry face looking down at him. “Alexander? What, what is wro…”

“You lied.” The older man said quietly yet his voice was gruff and full of emotion.

“W-What?” Theo asked, his previous worries evaporating as Alex lifted his arm up and within his hand, open and blazing with all of its wretched glory was Megatron’s flip phone, the screen burning accusingly with Megatron’s name and a history of when he had called the man.

Theo’s breath left him as his heart fell. “I… I can explain.” He said weakly, his stomach roiling sickly as he stared pleadingly up at the older man.

“You lied about the phone and you called him the day after I begged you not to, Theo.” Alex said furiously yet still kept his voice down as laughter came from Tawny and the couple in the living room. “ _The day after,_ Theo.”

The younger man keened, his thoughts already so jumbled from listening to the woman from the car, to meeting these people, his breakdown in the bathroom… He had nothing left to prepare himself for this.

“I, I am sorry.” He muttered miserably and Alex scoffed.

“Yeah, me too.”

Theo watched as Alexander threw the phone on to the ground and began walking upstairs.

“Wait, Alex…” He called to the other man only to have Alex spin on him.

“I am taking Tawny to my mothers. Take care of your family.” He said sharply before turning back around and entering Tawny’s room.

Theo shook at the bottom of the stairs, guilt and self-loathing coursing through him as he numbly turned and walked to the living room.

“Ummm, I am afraid something…” He started, not caring if he interrupted these pretenders. “Something has c-come up. We will have to reschedule.” He said, and Tawny whined.

“They have to go?” She asked mournfully, much to the delight of the couple.

Theo almost growled at them but remained in control for Tawny’s sake. “Yes, sweetie.”

Both of the people nodded before standing, and Theo did his best to pretend to care about anything they had to say, but he could hardly hear their _fake_ tear filled goodbyes, grimacing as they hugged Tawny but finally, after what seemed like an eternity they left.

He sighed, steeling himself for the hard conversation he would need to have with Alex when he heard the man making his way back down the stairs.

“Alexander, please let me ex…” Theo’s words stuck in his throat as he spied the man carrying Tawny’s sleepover bag, and blankets, Alex’s own backpack hung from his other shoulder. **_Oh no, he really is leaving!?_**

“Tawny love, grab your toothbrush, we are going to Yia-Yia’s.” Alex said kindly though the pain in his voice was hardly covered.

“WE ARE!? YAAAY!” The little girl exclaimed as she hurried to the bathroom Theo had just left from.

Theo felt like his heart was going to explode. “P-Please Alexander, you don’t have to leave!” He begged, following after the older man as he made it to the front door. “We can talk this out!”

“T _alk_ Theo!?” Alex snapped back but quickly inhaled and gathered himself. “We did talk, _remember_? Two nights ago we talked and you, _you_ sat there and _lied_ to my face! Not only did you lie but the next _fucking_ day you…” The older man’s voice broke a bit and he had to stop talking as he focused on breathing. “I have asked one thing from you Theo, _one thing_ in all this time and it wasn’t even wholly just for me! I asked it for you, me, and fucking _Tawny_ and still you couldn’t even g-give me th-that.”

“Alexander… Please?” Theo asked feebly, placing his hand on the other man’s arm.

“What have I done wrong, Theo? What haven’t I given you these last two years?” Alex asked brokenly his eyes filling with tears as he looked at Theo. “I took you in, gave you a job, gave you a _home_ , I… I _welcomed_ you into my _family_!” He hissed painfully, his body hitching as his tears fell and Theo felt his own eyes burn. “I have tried to give you nothing but a _good life_! Help you whenever I can, be patient when you struggle or aren’t ready for in-intimacy… Ohhh…”

Theo moaned as his mate crumpled before him. “I, I know Alexander! And, and that is why I chose you, you and Tawny!” He exclaimed desperately and Alex chuckled bitterly.

“No, no if you had chosen us _this_ wouldn’t be happening right now.” He snarled, his brown eyes sharp as they bore into Theo’s. “You would have been honest from the start, you would have gotten rid of that damn phone, you would have never called him and _maybe_ , just maybe you would have said that you loved me… J-just _o-once_ …” He smiled sadly as he lifted his hand and placed it against Theo’s cheek. “You can’t even say it now, can you?”

Theo blinked away his tears. “I, I didn’t w-want to lie…” He said as Alex snorted.

“Yeah well… Turns out it wasn’t that hard to when it came to Megatron, was it?” He said angrily, pulling his hand away as he grabbed his and Tawny’s jackets.

“Is, is something wrong?”

Theo and Alex turned to find Tawny looking up at them nervously, her eyes wet as she scanned between them both.

“Just grown-up stuff, honey.” Alex answered stiffly. “Are you ready?”

“Isn’t Theo coming?” She asked as she handed her father her toothbrush and let him help her into her jacket.

“Not this time.” Alex answered shortly, grabbing her hand as he hiked the bags up on his shoulder and turned the knob to the front door.

“Alex… Please… Please don’t go.” Theo begged one last time, his vision tunneling as he watched the two closest people to him about to leave him for his stupidity, his selfishness.

“Theo I...” Alex started, shaking his head as he opened the door. “I can’t do this right now.” Was all he said as he stepped outside pulling the crying Tawny behind him and shutting the door.

The silence that suddenly surrounded Theo was deafening.

He stumbled back, his heart hammering painfully as he fought to breathe. **_They left, they left and it… It is all my FAULT!_**

A sob escaped him as he slid down the wall, curling into himself as he cried.

The house still rang with the laughter that had filled it moments ago, the scent of the dinner they had all made together but never ate still hung in the air, all the lights remained on and music played softly from the living room but to Theo, nothing but darkness and agony surrounded him.

He had failed, he hadn’t been able to let go and now, now it may have just cost him everything.

**_Ohhhh gods… Someone, someone please h-help m-me!? What have I done? What…_ **

“What have I done?” His broken whisper echoing in the silence, reminding just how very alone he was now and how he was the one that had destroyed it all…


	7. Art Optimus/ Theo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think he came out better than Megatron, just been a bit since I have drawn humans... And all I know is an anime style


	8. Prove It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this one is Dark. Now, I have written many 'dark' things but this one was tough for me. Maybe it was because they are human instead of robots, maybe because of the relationship dynamic... But yeah this one was weirdly hard to produce. Heed warnings, STRONG TRIGGER WARNINGS in this one. I even thought of scrapping it, for my own sake, but this... This is the break in Theo's tainted reality that will open the path into really looking into Megatron and other things. Basically, I had to strip Optimus raw to be able to believably begin rebuilding him.  
> I mean, if you lived two years as a supposed human and had to face the reality that you WEREN'T, that is an insane pill to swallow. Anywho, enjoy and next chapter will be lighter.

 Hours passed and Theo remained silent through it all.

He had made his way around his and Alex’s home turning off the music, the lights, and put their uneaten dinner neatly in the fridge in case they came back and, and were hungry… Perhaps a foolish hope but one he never wanted to give up on.

After all of that he merely sat in the dark living room with his head bowed. **_No, nothing here is mine, not really, just… Just Alexander’s._**

He sighed in the darkness, knowing there was no way he would sleep tonight, knowing there wasn’t much he would do at all but sit and hate himself.

_“What have I done wrong, Theo? What haven’t I given you these last two years? I took you in, gave you a job, gave you a home, I… I welcomed you into my family!”_

Alex’s last words to him burned into his mind searing through his heart like acid because as much as he tried to retort them, or find an excuse for what he had done when he heard those words… He fell silent.

Alex was right, what hadn’t the man done for him but give him _everything_?

Theo lifted his eyes, peering out of the living room window numbly as snow began to fall over the city. Between how late it was and the bad weather it was surprisingly quiet outside, even for a Friday night, and the lack of noise seemed to haunt the young man. It was as if the world itself decided he should suffer the silence he brought upon himself, the emptiness.

His head fell once more, his normally brilliant blue eyes dim as he stared at the little unassuming trinket that had changed his life so drastically, Megatron’s cell phone. It sat on the coffee table before him, appearing deceptively innocent as it reflected the streetlights from the window and again Theo was stunned how something as simple as it could cause such strife, such pain…

**_No, no it wasn’t because of the phone it was my lies, my falsehoods, my s-selfishness…_ **

“Ohhhh…” He moaned quietly in the darkness yet his voice seemed to boom around him.

It was long past midnight now, perhaps closer to 2 in the morning he thought, but as he hadn’t gotten up from the couch in so long and there was no clock in the living room, he wasn’t certain.

He wearily lifted his head and looked towards the hall, spying _his_ cellphone on the table in the main hall. He had plugged it in and turned up the ringer just in case Alex called or messaged him, but he couldn’t have it next to him. He was too afraid of obsessively checking it, or giving in to the very real and painful need to call Alexander.

His heart ached as he also noticed he had placed it next to Tawny’s ugly unicorn bowl. The girl hated ruffles but a mutated unicorn was just what she needed…

He laughed slightly but it quickly turned into a broken sob so he turned his head back to the phone. **_Get rid of it. Get rid of it and you and Alex can talk things out! Maybe he will forgive you and, and everything can go back to normal!?_**

_“… Maybe, just maybe you would have said that you loved me… J-just o-once… You can’t even say it now, can you?”_

Again his mate’s words rang accusingly though his mind and he covered his mouth to stop the sobs that kept trying to escape him. **_Stop it! Stop pitying yourself! YOU DID THIS! You did this to yourself, to Alex, to TAWNY! I sacrificed it all and for what? I don’t even h-have M-Megatron…_**

“Who are you to me?” He asked the darkness as he thought of the silver haired man. Why couldn’t he let go of him, why was he trying so hard to ignore the man’s effect on him and yet constantly dreaming of him, constantly thinking of him?

Why was he so impassioned by the man? How could the man either incite him to an anger he normally didn’t display or an affection he never showed to… **_To anyone, not even poor Alex…_**

His hand rose to his lips, tracing them as he thought of the two men’s kisses. Alex’s was warm, a comfort in a way, but also far too empty. He didn’t want to compare Alex’s kisses to the silver haired man’s, and had been trying all week to find some passion in them, some need, something even remotely close to what he felt with Megatron!

His eyes narrowed as he then thought of Megatron’s kiss and his guilt increased tenfold. Where Alex’s was warm Megatron’s was, was life! It was like awakening to a brilliant sky after an eternity of storms, it was powerful, hungry, hot, needy. It pulled at him, dragged him deeper, it challenged him and everything he was or could be.

That he had fallen into it unconsciously was also a jarring realization. With Alex he always led the kiss, and whether it was because Alex was such a gentleman that he _let_ him lead or because _he_ wanted to control how far it would go, he wasn’t sure but, but Megatron’s…

He had fallen in an instant when Megatron’s lips met his own, his body tingling like it never had before and heart racing. He remembered feeling as if his heart, or maybe spark, seemed to thrum with power as their chests barely touched as if, as if it were searching, searching for something he could not explain…

“What is wrong with me?” He whispered sadly to the empty room, a bitter smile growing on his face as he raked his fingers through his hair. “Why can’t I just be n-normal?”

_“No matter how hard you fight to believe it, how much you wish it were true you know, you have never been normal.”_

It was Megatron’s words that now rang through his head, when he had pleaded almost the same thing in front of the man, begging to be normal… To be simple.

He scoffed, his hand falling as he idly spun the phone before him. Was he fighting against everything so hard just because he was being selfish, because he was trying desperately to ignore whatever fate had in mind for him?

 ** _Arrrrgh no! No I am normal! I have a normal life and, and I will fight as hard as I need to, to keep it!_** He thought angrily, picking up the phone and staring at it angrily when the front screen of it suddenly flashed and he nearly fell to a panic thinking someone was calling him yet as a battery symbol came across it instead and the words _low battery_ flashed he began to panic for a completely different reason.

**_Low battery!? Oh no! Wait, where could I even buy a charger for this type of phone!? What if it dies!? Then I won’t be able to, to contact him! ARRRGH STOP THIS! You are going to get rid of it anyways! So, so it is fine if it dies… It is fine, it needs to go… There are only a few more days now anyways…_ **

Moment by moment Megatron’s promised week was coming to a close and then he would truly be gone forever and Theo hated that he had kept track all along the way!

 ** _Alex deserves to hate me! I am wretched, I am an awful mate! I… I hate myself…_** He wiped at his tears, placing the phone down before burying his face in his hands. **_I am so wretched…_**

**_………._ **

At some point he must have drifted off because when the front door suddenly opened Theo was shocked awake, and it took a minute to understand what was happening. **_Some, someone is trying to get in!? Could, could it be Megatron?_**

He stood from the couch, running to the hall where he spotted the hall clock. **_Almost 3:30 am. Who would be here at this time of night!?_**

He stood in the hall frozen stiff as he watched the doorknob turn and the door began to open. **_Megatr…_**

He frowned though as whomever was entering laughed slightly, stumbling in as they shut the door behind them. “Alexander?” He asked in quiet amazement only to receive a growl from the other man.

Alex turned once he finally got the door closed, swaying a bit as he stared hazily at Theo and the younger man knew instantly that his mate was very, _very_ drunk.

He had never seen Alex inebriated to this degree, sure the man had a taste for wine and got tipsy from time to time but this stumbling mess of a human, never.

“Arrgh, fuuuck.” Alex groaned, his eyes narrowing as they unsteadily scanned over Theo. “Whaadda yoou want?” He slurred angrily, pulling his jacket off and just letting it fall on the floor as he stumbled forwards.

Theo blinked in surprise, exhaling nervously as he approached the other man. “I, I didn’t think you would be back…”

“Iss my DAMN housssse!” Alex hissed, hiccupping as he used the wall to help him make it down the hall.

Theo’s head dropped shamefully. “I, I know… I just… I am happy you are home.” He said quietly, moving in to help Alex navigate when the older man shoved him hard and he slammed into the side wall with a surprised yell.

“Donnn touch! Nooo moore Th-Theo…” Alex yelled, yet as soon as the words came out a sob followed.

Theo grimaced as he pushed himself off the wall, ignoring the pain that thrummed through the right side of his back as he edged closer to the other man. “Alexander, please? Just let me help you…”

“Yooou help mee? Pffffft…” Alex laughed brokenly, his eyes burning as he stared at Theo. “What doo you… You only heeelp yersellf!”

Theo shrunk into himself. “Alex, I… I was wrong, I am sorry.” He pleaded with the man, knowing it was rather foolish to argue with a drunk man as he had done so many times at the club but unlike those times he didn’t feel an ounce of control in this situation and really, he felt he deserved the man’s rage.

“Sssorry, pfft… I b-bet!” Alex grumbled, blindly feeling for the light switch. “Whyy isss dark? Wheresss damn light…”

“Here.” Theo said gently, flipping the switch that was next to him and the hall’s light blazed to life.

“Arrrgh fuck! B-Bright…” Alex muttered as he placed his arm over his eyes and almost fell forwards but luckily Theo ran to his side and pulled him back to his feet.

“I have you!” Theo assured the man, his face rising to meet his mate’s only to gasp as the man’s fist flew at him and cracked him right in the mouth.

“Uuuugh!” Theo cried out, falling sideways, the other side of his head crashing into the hall’s side table on his way down and he groaned as he fell limply to the ground, everything that had been on the table raining down on him as he moaned.

_CRASH!_

Theo placed his hand over his split lip, ignoring the wound over his eyebrow as he stared in horror as Tawny’s little unicorn bowl fell to the tiled floor and smashed into hundreds of pieces. **_Noooo!_**

The destruction of the bowl seemed to resonate with Alex as well, pulling him from his rage at Theo as he fell to his knees and stared disbelieving at the ruined trinket. “Dammmmnit!” He moaned out, his shaking hands trying to collect the pieces as Theo pulled himself to his knees.

His eyebrow and lips were bleeding heavily, and his head ached but still Theo couldn’t help but feel he deserved all of this. He felt awful for having helped in the bowl’s destruction and as he too tried to help pick it all up he looked up as Alex began to weep.

“Juss look… Everything isss failed! EVERYTHINNNG!” The older man lamented, his hands going to his face as he cried.

“Alex… I, I know… I know this is all my fault.” Theo said brokenly, his voice sounding funny because of his rapidly swelling lip.

“I gavvve yoou eveeryting!” Alex cried harder, his shoulders shaking as he knelt there and Theo just felt like shit about it all. “Nothinnng… Nothinng… They… They gonnna bee sooo angry! Sooo… FUUUUUCK!”

Theo wasn’t sure who or what the man was talking about but given how drunk he was he imagined Alex didn’t know either. “Come on, let me get you to bed? Please, Alex? I can clean this mess…” He suggested, ignoring his aching back and head as he stood and walked over to the taller man.

“You still… Still havv-have it donn’t you?” Alex asked, his voice growing angry once more as he lowered his hands and glared at Theo through his tears.

Theo blinked down at him, wiping the blood over his eye so it didn’t get into it. “Have? Have wha… Ohhh…” He muttered quietly, his eyes going to the living room table guilty and Alex snorted in disgust.

“Offf course…” The taller man mumbled, using the wall to help him stand. “I’mm donne Th-Theo… You donn… Wooorked sooo haaard! Puut soo much time into dis stuuupid project… Uhhh… Rela-relationship…  Mmmm done!” He grated out, insecurely moving unsteadily towards the stairs as Theo stood there in full panic.

**_He, he is done? Does he mean with me? With, with us?_ **

He scrambled after the other man. “Wait Alexander! Please, I… I do…” He stopped, his voice getting caught in his throat as the other man turned and stared furiously down at him.

“Doo what, Theo?” He asked darkly, his teeth grinding against one another as he said it and Theo felt sick.

Could he say it? Could he say what he needed to, to maybe be given another chance with this man, this life? Could he lie about something so precious?

Alex waited another moment, swaying some more before a gruff chuckle came from him. “Dinna think so.” He said before making his way slowly, unsteadily up the stairs.

Theo was breathing so rapidly he thought he might pass out. He watched Alex go, leaving him, perhaps forever this time and he felt lost in how to fix any of this!

On one hand he didn’t want to hurt the man any longer, he didn’t feel it was fair to make the man wait for _him_ to be ready as he always had and on the other… **_What do I do? I, I could lose everything! I deserve to lose everything! To lose my home, my job, everything this man has given me! But I love Tawny so much and Alex… Well, I do love him some ways. I was wrong to keep the phone! Maybe if, if I get rid of it, if I tell him I love him then, then maybe I will free myself enough to actually appreciate what he might mean to me! I just need to give up Megatron!... Just Megatron…_**

As Alex crested the top of the stairs and began stumbling to his room Theo ran to the living room, grabbing the phone before spinning around and skipping up the steps at top speed.

He made it to the top just as Alex was about to close the bedroom door. “WAIT!” He cried, his heart pounding and was relieved when his mate angrily turned towards him.

The older man’s eyes were narrowed with rage, his lips pulled into a sneer Theo had never seen on the man’s face yet the furious expression changed as Theo lifted up the flip phone.

“I, I love you!” He said, the lie falling from his lips far easier than he thought it would and again guilt filled him as Alex’s eyes flickered oddly.

“Bulllssshit.” The other man spat yet he didn’t close the door.

“I, I do…” Theo insisted his hand shaking as he lifted the phone up. “This, this is nothing to me Alex. I, I will get rid of it tomorrow! I swear, I don’t need it! I don’t…”

Alex’s face became dark, his eyes again flickering with a strange hungry look. “Prove it. Proove yooou love me.”

Theo blinked at the other man in confusion. “Prove… How?” He asked meekly, shrinking into himself as Alex stumbled over to him.

“Calll himm, call him annn tell him itsss over.” The older man said, his eyes flickering with chaotic emotion.

Theo couldn’t breathe… **_Call, call Megatron… In front of A-Alex?_**

“Provee me you love mee… Tell him nooo.” Alex said, as his shadow over took Theo’s shivering form, his hand going to the younger man’s bruised cheek. “Tell im… Tell immm you ch-choose meee…”

Theo looked at the older man desperately. “The, the phone is dyin…”

“FUCKING TEEELLL HIIIIM!” Alex screamed, stomping over to the smaller man and Theo jumped back in fear.

He had never seen Alex like this, never seen this anger, this fury, this disgust from the other man. **_Did, did I do this to him? Did I bring this out in him?_**

“W-Welll? Wassa gunna doo?” Alex asked angrily.

Theo numbly looked down at the dying phone before swallowing hard and opening it. **_Just do it! Save your family! He, he is drunk tonight but has, has given you everything when you had, had NOTHING! DO IT! End it, prove your commitment…_**

His hand shook as he found the singular number in the phone, his eyes burning as they stared down at that far too familiar name. ** _Megatron, he is just crazy! He is just some stranger that, that… Means so damn much to me and SHOULDN’T!_**

“Guuud boy.” Alex said approvingly, smiling as he again gripped the side of Theo’s head and his wandering eyes tried to focus on the smaller man’s. “Now, call…”

**_I have to do this! I can do this! Alexander and Tawny have been everything to me! I was wrong, I failed them I need to let Megatron or, or this pretender go!_ **

“Calll…” Alex demanded, his eyes narrowing with every moment Theo delayed and finally Theo pressed send.

**_I can do this! I can! Be free of him! Be normal! Be safe!_ **

It took only a ring, _one_ singular ring before that deep, powerful, and familiar voice answered.

“Optimus?”

Theo didn’t speak, his heart hammering too loudly, his eyes set on Alex’s red ones and he realized… He couldn’t do it.

“Tell immm.” Alex said as he stepped forwards, his eyes so sharp their stare hurt.

“A-Alex… P-please…” Theo begged as he held the phone to his ear, his sense of control, his sense of _self_ crumbling between these two men. Was he ready to give up on either of them? Was he ready to give up on… On Megatron for Alex?

“Optimus? What is wrong?” Megatron asked, his voice dark and yet there was a growing inflection of concern in it.

Theo’s breathing had become erratic, his body shaking from head to toe as Alex stared him down. **_I, I need to… He deserves… He is, he is my f-family…_**

“M-M-Megatron…” He whispered his voice gruff, broken. “I, I d-don’t… I w-won’t…” His voice broke over and over again each stutter making Alex’s presence, his ire, his _fury_ grow.

“Optimus, what is happening? Why can’t you speak? What is going…”

Theo gasped as Alex suddenly snatched the phone from him, the older man sneering at him as he brought the phone to his ear.

“Heess calling to tell you he isnna yourss anymore.” Alex grated out into the speaker and Theo felt like his heart was going to explode.

“He iss mine.” Alex continued, his narrowed eyes burning into Theo’s wide ones. “Go on tell immm, tell him you’re mine!” The older man demanded, thrusting the phone up to Theo’s mouth.

Theo could hear Megatron screaming something on the other line but as the phone wasn’t up to his ear and his breathing was so loud and ragged he couldn’t make out the word…

“TELLL HIM!” Alex shouted, pressing the phone against Theo’s bleeding lips harder and Theo whimpered fearfully. “I SAID FUCKING TELL HIM!”

“I-I’m… H-his…” The two broken stuttered words left Theo as his eyes filled with tears and Alex smiled approvingly.

“Yess, you arrre…” He snarled, throwing the phone on the floor, the call still in progress as he slammed Theo against the wall. “Alll minnne…”

Theo cried out, his bruised shoulder screaming as he was pressed so roughly against the wall.

 “Das a good boy.” Alex whispered huskily to him but Theo hardly heard him for how much pain filled his chest.

**_I made, made the right choice, didn’t I? He will see now, right? I made the…_ **

Theo tried to convince himself that everything was fine, that Alex had a right to be so angry, to act the way he was but as Megatron’s raging voice filtered up to him from where the phone lie on the ground he found himself wishing he could take the words back and beg for the man to come help him.

 “That wasss a good start Theo, but I still neeed convincing...” Alex said his hands rubbing all over Theo’s shaking torso.  

**_What more does he want!? What more can I give…_ **

Theo whimpered as the man’s head lowered, grimacing as the scent of alcohol filled his nostrils just before the man began to kiss him. He allowed it, opening his mouth and letting his mate take the lead for once, he owed it to him.

Alex’s kiss was far rougher than normal, burning and raking against his split lips and Theo did his best not to cry out in pain. His eyes did fill with tears though as he forced himself to return the kiss, running the same words in his mind over and over.

**_I made the right choice, I made the right choice, I…_ **

 “Ahhhh!” A cry escaped from him as Alex shifted his hands, one gathering both of his wrists and slamming them above his head  as the other began lifting up the bottom of his tee-shirt.

“Fuuuck, Theo... I want yooou.” Alex slurred, pulling the shirt up but his control was less than stellar and he quickly got frustrated as it kept getting stuck on his arms.

Theo whimpered. “You, you are holding my wrists Alex…” He tried to explain to the man why he couldn’t get the shirt off but Alex just growled at him.

“Arrrgh, fuck thisss!” The older man yelled, letting go of Theo’s wrists and grabbing ahold of the smaller man’s shirt collar before pulling with a roar.

Theo’s eyes bulged, fear filling him as the man began to rip his shirt. Perhaps it was the alcohol or a hidden strength Alex had always had but the material was no match from the man’s fury and quickly began to tear apart.

“Alex please! Let us just go to bed you, you are drunk…” Theo suggested sweetly, yet his voice shook terribly. Alex’s lack of control was unnerving and, and he should know how uncomfortable being naked was for Theo!

“ARRRRRGH! THERE!” Alex celebrated as the thin shirt was ripped jaggedly all the way down to the front, either never noticing how terrified Theo was or ignoring him as he again pushed then man into the wall and began attacking his chest.

Theo’s head fell back, tears stinging his eyes as Alex began savagely kissing him. It started off nice enough but then he felt nails begin to scratch his torso and Alex began biting him all over, his nipples, his shoulders, neck.   ** _I, I have never seen him like this! I, I am scared! What does he want from me? Where will this all lead? I… I am afraid!_**

Theo tried to control his growing panic telling himself this was Alex, his mate, and he shouldn’t fear him but as the scratches continued and one terribly painful bite landed on the side of his neck he cried out.

“Wait! Alexander! It hurts…” He pleaded with the man, his eyes fleeting to the still operating flip phone and he wondered fearfully if Megatron was still on the other line listening to all of this!?

 Alex growled as he quickly lifted his head his eyes dark and unsteady as they looked at Theo deeply. “You, you loovve mee?”

Theo fought from breaking down and nodded slowly, staring at the glowing phone in silent desperation. “I…” He began, not wanting to say the lie if Megatron were still listening when Alex lowered his head next to his.

“Hmmmm…” Alex hummed, his eyes flashing hungrily, possessively. “I want to fuck yooou.” He slurred darkly Theo’s ear before biting it gently.

 ** _WHAT!?_** Theo whimpered meekly and tried to slow the other man down, tried to get through to him.

“A-Alex… Please… I, I don’t know if we should…” He pleaded, his heart thumping so wildly in his chest it felt like it was trying to crawl up his throat. He again looked down at the phone, his desperation growing as a quiet beep came from it, it was running out of battery! **_Megatron… I… I don’t… I am scared…_**

Alex laughed as he slid one of his hands down Theo’s back, pushing it past the younger man’s pant line and wiggling it down until a finger rested right between the smaller man’s ass cheeks.

Theo gasped, his body jerking as the man began circling his tight hole, pushing against it now and then, not far enough to enter it but it did burn with frightening promise.

As Theo whimpered and tried to pull away Alex pulled back a bit a looked him right in the eyes. “Dinna you, you ssay you loved me, Theo?” Alex asked accusingly, his eyes hard, pointed and Theo keened before lowering his head submissively.

“Yes…” He answered quietly and Alex grunted in approval.

“Wheennn you lo-love somme onne you donn’t push them away…” Alex grated out, moving his finger a bit more so that just the tip entered Theo’s tight entrance and the younger man keened as pain bloomed from between his cheeks.

“Alex… P-please… You are d-drunk and not in control…” He begged once more, his eyes filled with tears.

“SOOO WHHHAT!? I donnn everything! YOU OWE MEEE!” Alex screamed and Theo held back a sob that tried to escape him. **_This is fine! He is just upset! I… I can get through to him! I c-can… I just need to calm dow…_**

“AHHHH!” He screamed as the finger inside of him suddenly was forced in all the way, the pain below growing immense as he struggled to get control of this situation. He knew he could fight the man off if need be but, but he didn’t want to _hurt Alex_! It, it was just a bad night! He had known this man for two years and he had never acted like this before so maybe… Maybe it was all his fault?

Alex cooed at him drunkenly. “Shhh. Donn be fraid… Thiss what lovers doo.” He assured the smaller man, pushing his finger in deeper and Theo had to bite his tongue to keep from crying out in pain.

Alex was panting now, moving his finger in and out as his already lacking control fell further back. “Sooo, t-tight… Ohhh, fuuuck, yesss!”

Theo remained as silent as he could through it all, fighting with himself over what to do. Should he let the man continue? He, he wanted to make Alex happy, wanted to prove his love, even if it wasn’t the kind of love the older man wanted from him, and he did appreciate this man very much so…

 But, was it worth him taking steps he wasn’t ready for?

 It seemed Alex’s patience finally came to an end as he pulled his finger out and abruptly grabbed Theo’s bruised wrist and suddenly Theo felt himself being dragged towards the bedroom. His eyes darted back to the phone, wondering if he should scream for help or, or _something_ but to his horror he found all of the lights on the little trinket of hope were off… It was dead.

**_What… What have I done!? No, please! This is too big! I don’t know what to do! M-Megatron, h-help!_ **

His legs were shaking so badly that as they crossed the doorway he tripped on the carpet and fell to his knees. “Uhhh… A-Alex, please… I…” He stuttered out, his fear and trembling making it hard to talk but also, he didn’t know _what_ to say! This was happening too quickly, he was too afraid and yet his guilt and sliver of hope for Alex to listen kept him from running, from fighting.

**_This, this isn’t him! This isn’t Alex! I need to get through to him! I c-can… Please…_ **

“I’ve wannnted you since you came to mee!” Alex mumbled incoherently as he fell to his knees behind Theo and grasped at the waist of his jeans.

Theo whimpered in pain as the other man’s nails dug into his flesh, scrambling a bit as Alex roughly tugged his pants and boxers down and he whined as the cold air of the bed room hit his fevered skin.

**_I, I am naked! I am naked in front of... I, this is going too fast! I don’t want this! I don’t…_ **

Alex grunted as he ripped Theo’s shoes and socks off, fighting with the struggling youth’s flailing legs before finally getting his pants and boxers off.

“Ohhhh fuck! Look at yooou!” Alex groaned as Theo curled into himself on the rough carpet.

Theo shook as he tried to cover himself with his ripped shirt, his eyes clenched tight as he hugged himself. **_I don’t know what to do! I don’t want to hurt him, I don’t! Please, help me find the words! Help me stop this! This isn’t him!_**

He grunted as Alex pulled him out of his cocoon, cooing sweetly at him the entire time. “I wannna see you, Theo. Donn hide! Lemme see…”

Theo sobbed quietly as the man to unfurled his limbs and he knelt above him, his eyes greedily scanning over Theo’s naked body. **_It, it is alright, it is just Alex… He, he loves me… It is alright…_**

“They maaade yooou ssooo p-perfect.” Alex remarked, oddly referring to some mysterious _they_ much like he had the other day yet Theo’s curiosity over the strange statement dissolved as the older man began rolling him to his stomach.

**_Ohh, oh noo… What, what do I do!? I, I feel so lost in this! I, I don’t know what to…_ **

His wide eyes dripped with tears as he was flipped to his stomach and an arm scooped under him and pulled his hips up high.

**_Ohhh gods, ohh gods! What do I do!? What do I…_ **

“Sooo perfect, day made you sooo perfect.” Alex moaned, completely ignorant of Theo’s horrified state as he licked one of his fingers and pressed it against between the younger man’s round cheeks. “You should relaaax.” Was all the warning Theo got as the long digit began to push inside of him once more.

“Ahhhhhh!” Theo cried, his hands scratching at the carpet as he tried to pull himself away from the awful sensation but Alex’s arm held him tight. “P-pleeease! Please Alex! Ohhh…”

“Shhhh, isss ok… Is ok love… You jusss gotta sstop s-struggling Theo, makes it huuurt…” Alex said suddenly, his voice oddly gentle sounding compared to the abject terror Theo was feeling in his heart.

Theo stopped struggling, whimpering as he tried to gain control of himself. **_Ok… Ok just breathe! I… I can get through this! I can… If I just get through this then everything will be ok again right? Everything is, is f-fine… I just need to get through…_**

He covered his face with his arm as he ceased his movements, gritting his teeth as he forced himself to suffer through the burn coming from his backside.

“Gooood, see… Better…” Alex groaned, pulling the wretched finger out and just as Theo thought that would be it he bit his lower lip, reopening the wound as two fingers now entered him, far rougher than the last time.

“Unnnn, I, I cannna wait…” Alex panted, his fingers slamming into Theo’s aching tunnel as the younger mech cried under his arm.

Finally the man pulled the two digits out of him and Theo swallowed a sob as he heard the distinctive sound of a zipper come from behind him.

**_Ohhh nooo, please… No more! I, I don’t want this! I need to tell him!_ **

He turned his head, his wet eyes going to the man that supposedly love him as he pleaded. “P-Please Alex… S-stop. It… It hurts. Can’t, can’t we just g-go to b-bed?” He stuttered out, a sob escaping him as he looked up at the older man.

Alex had just freed his weeping cock from his boxers and was holding the heavy appendage in his hand as he stroked it. “Theo… Isss been years… I, I love yoou annnd you love meee right? Donn I deserve to have you ooonce?”

Theo whined his guilt eating at his heart. “I… I am a-afraid…”

Alex blinked blearily at him before crawling over Theo’s kneeling form and kissing his face.  “I looove yoou Theo, I have proved dat… Now you owe mee proof, right?” He asked gruffly, nipping at Theo’s shoulders as he rubbed his cock up and down between Theo’s cheeks.

Theo’s guilt skyrocketed as he forced himself to nod once more, his tattered mind and heart screaming at him the entire time but apparently that was the response Alex was waiting for as he chuckled and began to push his thick member into the younger man’s tight tunnel.

“Arrrrrr! Ohhhh, pleeease…” Theo’s eyes bulged, his air of calm, of silence falling away as agony burned up his back.

It, it was like nothing he had ever felt before and with each agonizing inch that entered him his panic and fear grew as well as his questions.

Why was he putting himself through this!?

**_Because I did wrong and, and he deserves to be happy…_ **

What about _your_ happiness!?

**_I am happy…_ **

Then why are you crying?

**_I…_ **

Theo hoped once Alex filled him to his hilt he would stop and let him adjust, or let him breathe, _anything_ yet the man was drunk, out of control, and the moment he filled Theo completely he bellowed before pulling almost all the way back out and _slamming_ back in!

“AAAAAHHHH! Pease gen… Gentler! Please…” Theo begged, his finger’s digging into the carpet so roughly he almost ripped one of them from his fingers. His knees were screaming with pain as the carpet burned into them and his hips were held so tightly by Alex he was certain they were bruising.

Much like in the hall Alex lost his control, pounding into Theo with abandon as numerous slurred and incoherent noises escaped him but Theo, Theo just felt broken…

Everything hurt from his forehead, lip, shoulder, back, hips, and especially between his…  

He felt something drip down the inside of his thigh and he was fairly certain it was blood. He wasn’t nearly as prepared as he should have been, none of this felt good, and as Alex held him so tightly he couldn’t help but feel trapped and helpless.

**_Just… Just let him take you… Just endure! It is your fault he is drunk, that he is acting this way! It is all your f-fault…_ **

“Uhhhhh, uhhhh, fuuuck yeeessss! Ohhhh, fuck yes!” Alex lost himself, digging his fingers into Theo’s hips as he pulled the youth back with each violent thrust. “Unnnn, I, I havvve wanted yoou so, sooo long!”

Theo tried to pull himself from his misery, tried to pretend to be ok with all of it but as another wave of agony tore through him he could only whimper helplessly.

Apparently Alex took that as encouragement and his trusts became deeper. “Unnn yesss, fuck Megatron! Fuuuck himmm. You, you looove meee! Meee!”

Theo pulled into himself shamefully at the mention of Megatron and Alex chuckled bitterly, his anger surfacing once more. “I have heard yoou moooan fooor himm so many, many times! I have heard you beg himm to f-fuck you harder! You knooow how much that hurt!? Annnd, annnd you never let mee even toch YOOOOU!”

_SLAP!_

“Ahhhhh! No please!” Theo cried out as his ass was suddenly slapped hard from the other man.

“WHO HASS YOU NOOOW!?” Alex screamed, his voice sharp and furious as he raised his hand and slapped Theo again. “You diid thiss! You juss had to goo to that f-fucker! Buuut look at you nooow! You’re mine not hiss! I wonnn the PRIME, MEGATRON!”

Pain tore through Theo over and over again, his world a mess of guilt, shame, agony but as Alex screamed about dominating the Prime, he felt something sting at the back of his mind. **_How, why would he say…_**

“Ahhhh!” His thoughts crumbled as the older man pressed his head against the floor, one hand keeping it there as the other went to the floor next to Theo and his thrusts became savage, slamming into him so hard his whole body jerked forwards and Theo… Theo just tried to pretend it was all ok.

**_It’s ok, it’s ok, ohhh gods…_ **

How long it went on, Theo didn’t know and he eventually became silent, his throat almost as raw as his ass and he hung limply from the other man’s arms as he was used.

He should have been celebrating, he had another chance at this life! He had another chance with this family but all he truly felt was loss…

**_Megatron…_ **

He didn’t even feel guilty for thinking of the silver haired man by the end, but not in an intimate way, more of a silent plea to the man, a plea to save him from his stupidity…

He held onto the thought of Megatron as he was used, closing his eyes tight as he remembered how warm the man’s arms had been, how passionate his eyes were, and how he wished more than anything he was with him now…

Finally, after what seemed and eternity of pain and misery Alex’s thrusts became far more erratic, the older man howling as he stiffened and his burning seed emptied into Theo’s torn and abused tunnel.

“ARRRRRGH! FUUUUCK!” Alex cried, drunkenly keening as he swayed on his knees and pulled his now flaccid cock from Theo before finally collapsing on the ground next to the younger man.

Theo wiped his face, afraid to show Alex just how much pain he had been in, how broken he felt and as the older man smirked up at him, his eyes rolling back in his head as he began to pass out he felt his heart clench at the man’s last words. “You, you arrre forigvenn…”

Theo forced a smile on his face, nodding jerkily as the other man grunted and fell asleep right on the floor next to him.

Silence…

Somewhere Theo could hear the ticking of a clock, he could hear the other man’s snores, his own ragged breaths…

**_I am forgiven…_ **

His eyes burned, his prone body still frozen in the awful position it had been when… When…

**_I am forgiven and all it took was... Was…_ **

He began to shake harder, wrapping his hands around his mouth as he held in the scream that threatened to escape him.

**_For-forgiven…_ **

“Mmmmmm…” A muffled broken sound came from beneath his hands as he stared at the man that supposedly loved him, the man that had been nothing but kind, giving until… Until tonight.

He shivered in the darkness, his ass high as its wretched contents dripped disgustingly down his thighs…

Was this worth it? Was this worth losing so… So much of himself?

**_It is fine… This is f-fine. It is b-better now, it is… I made up for my… My wrongs…_ **

“Ohhhh, gods…” He whispered, clenching his eyes shut as a wave of nausea and dizziness overtook him.

Time passed.

A half hour, an hour? Time passed and eventually Theo forced himself to move, crawling weakly to where his pants were, being as quiet as he could so not to wake Alex as he grabbed them and his shoes.

He was in terrible pain and his body really only wanted to lie there and rest but…

He needed to go.

He needed to go somewhere… Anywhere…

**_Go, just go… It is ok… It will be ok…_ **

He didn’t care about his socks, or boxers, he just needed to… To breathe, to feel less trapped, to feel free… To escape.

He crawled out to the hall, groaning from the seemingly blinding light there as he tried to stand. His legs were shaking so badly he fell twice before he finally got them under him and he stumbled nakedly to the tops of the stairs.

**_This, this is fine… It’s fine…He didn’t mean to… To…_ **

Step by excruciating step he made it down, his entire body screaming with pain and he almost made it to the bottom safely until he heard a groan come from the bedroom and he keened, his pace quickening with his panic and suddenly he tripped.

He bit his already broken lips as he tumbled down the last five steps, desperate to remain silent  but as he landed at the bottom and his hands went out to catch him he screamed a bit as he landed on his wrist wrenching it terribly before his turbulent journey rolled to a stop.

“Ohhhh…” He sobbed, scooting his broken body across the floor, his eyes never leaving the top of the stairs and his terror grew.

**_What, what if he wakes up again! What if wants to take me again!? I, I don’t want it! I never w-wanted it… It, it isn’t fine… That, that wasn’t… I never… He, he h-hurt me? HE HURT M-ME!_ **

 The moment he finally admitted the truth, the moment he finally told himself that what just happened was _not alright_ , the wall he had built in his mind and heart shattered.

**_I, I can’t… I hurt, that hurt! That h-hurt so, so badly! I don’t want it again! No… No m-more, no more please! I can’t…_ **

He was too hurt to think straight, everything becoming a blur of fear and agony and all he knew was to run! Run somewhere _safe_!

**_Safe! Get safe, get somewhere… But, but h-home is supposed to be SAFE! Home is, family is… Family… NO! Just go, just go it will be better in the morning! It will be… B-better…_ **

Blindly, numbly he dragged his pants onto him as he lay on the floor of the hall, not caring if they got wet from the mess that continued to pour out from him below. He could only use one hand for the job as his wrist hurt so terribly and he was certain it was sprained at least. Next were his shoes and he forced them onto his bare feet as quickly as he could.

**_Run, run just for tonight! I… I made him sooo… He changed, he changed and I… It’s my fault, I did this! I… Ohhhh._ **

He struggled to stand then, panting wearily with each pain filled step before he grabbed his coat and threw it over his ripped shirt. Unconsciously he grabbed his phone and keys off the mess on the floor, his mind and body working on autopilot before opening the front door and stumbling out into the storm.

He sobbed then, running through the blizzard blindly, not knowing where he was going, not caring that the bitter wind burned his face, his eyes…

**_Safe… I need to be s-safe…Where…_ **

_“You aren’t alone Optimus, not in this. Not anymore. I have you…”_ Megatron’s sweet words rang through his chotics thoughts and he wept harder as he thought of them.

**_Ohhh, I messed so, so much up! I, I am awful! I… I told him… I told him I was A-Alex’s…_ **

He made it to the next block over, his body shaking terribly from the cold and raw fear… He didn’t know where to go. He had nowhere _to_ go! Anyone that meant anything to him he had hurt, or ruined, or told off! He was alone and it, it was all his fault…

He fell to his knees then, his knees and backside screaming in pain as he collapsed in the snow. **_I have ruined e-everything… I turned Alex into a m-monster, lied about loving him, I was too much of a coward to, to listen to Megatron and now he thinks…_**

His head fell to his chest as the storm within him and around him raged. His body was in so much pain, his pants soaked from the snow, the blood, and Alex’s…

And he had nowhere to escape any of this.

Nowhere to call home…

No one to help…

A roar of an engine suddenly sounded in the night and lights appeared at the end of the street. Theo keened fearfully, dragging his body across the snow and mud as he scrambled away from the road, he didn’t want anyone to see him like this.

The lights approached quickly, far too quickly for any sane person to be driving in this darkness and this weather and Theo wondered if the person was drunk. As he watched the car come closer he was amazed at the skill the driver had to be controlling the vehicle in such conditions when suddenly his eyes bulged, he knew that car!

“One of a kind…” He whispered through his swollen lips, and he froze in his desperate retreat as the brilliantly red car flew towards him. **_Why, why would she be out now, in the same neighborhood, in the middle of the night with a storm…_**

The speeding car suddenly hit its breaks, screeching through the snow covered street as it spun sideways expertly before stopping right in front of him.

The white lights blinded Theo and he scrambled back as he covered his eyes. **_Why is she stopping!? Why is she here!? Is, is she one of those Megatron said was watching me!? I, I don’t want to be hurt anymore!_**

He whimpered fearfully, uncertain why the car was back, uncertain what the woman wanted with him when the lights died and the sound of a door opening made him brave a peek over his arm.

“Sorry about the lights,” That same feminine voice from earlier called to him gently.

He blinked as he tried to follow the woman’s journey yet he still had spots of light filling his vision. “Wh-what…” He started, trembling slightly in fear and he scooted away from her.

The woman stilled, her eyes glowing oddly in the storm as they scanned over him. “Oh man…” She muttered angrily before pulling out a phone and dialing a number. “Hey, I have him.” Was all she said before hanging up and putting the phone away again.

Theo was breathing heavily, everything he had gone through tonight coiled so tightly around his heart that he felt he could explode at any moment. “What do you _want_ with me!?” He demanded, hoping his voice sounded stronger than he felt.

The woman smiled at him sadly. “I, I am here to help. I… Megatron will be here soon…”

Theo gasped, his eyes widening as he lifted himself out of the snow a bit more. “M-Megatron?” He asked brokenly. “B-but h-how…”

“The moment you called we got ready.” The woman said softly, her eyes dimming as they peered at the damage on his face. “Megatron… He knew there was something… He knew we should come, that’s all. He sent me on the streets to look for you and he is at your residence now but on his way…”

“He is at Alex’s!?” Theo gasped, his panic rising as he ripped his battered body from the ground and stumbled towards her. “He didn’t hurt Alex did he? It isn’t his fault! I, I did this! It is my f-fa…”

Whatever he was about to stay was suddenly drowned out by another sound of screeching wheels and he and the woman looked over to find a black truck racing around a corner towards them.

Theo fell back, his heart painfully thumping as he tried to make sense of this all but between his exhaustion, between the chaos, the fights, meeting his false parents, Alex leaving, then his return and what happened after… He almost felt like he was having a heart attack.

“Hey, don’t worry.” The woman assured him as he continued to back away. “It is alright, we are here to help!”

The truck stopped, the passenger door opening before it had even completely come to a halt and Megatron jumped out. “Where!? Where is _he_!?” He asked raggedly, his breaths uneven and rapid as he ran to the woman and she pointed towards where Theo was trying to escape.

Theo keened, his good hand going to his chest as his vision began to tunnel. “No… I, I am s-sorry. You don’t need... I don’t need h-help.” He whimpered out, as Megatron began to come closer. He didn’t want the man to see him like this, to see him so weak, and broken. He didn’t want anyone’s help! He just ruined it all! All of it just because, because he wanted to live simply…

Megatron paused in his pursuit, evidently realizing he was making things worse with every step he took. “Ok, ok I just wanna talk? Can we talk, Optimus?” He asked gently going to a knee as he asked.

Theo felt dizzy, confused, cold, in pain, lost, out of control, frightened, embarrassed… “I, I d-don’t w-want h-help.” He stuttered as he swayed before the man. “I just h-hurt everybody… I, I am b-bad… A-Awful...”

Megatron scowled at him. “You aren’t bad, Optimus. You are lost and you have been for too long!” He insisted, his eyes softening as Theo began crying harder. “You aren’t to blame for th…”

“YES I AM!” Theo screamed, not caring how late, or early, it was, not caring who heard him. He was too broken, too used, too hurt, everything HURT!

He fell to his knees once more, his hands covering his face as he crumbled. “All my… All my fault. I did this, I made him into a monster.”

Megatron growled but forced himself to exhale and calm down for Optimus’s sake. “Optimus, stop. I am not going to sit here and fight with you over this as you clearly are in shock and not thinking correctly but I am not going to let you destroy yourself over someone else hurting you! I mean, _damnit_ , _look_ at your _face_! Did he do that?”

Theo could only moan under his hands and he curled tighter into himself wishing he could disappear. **_Everything is fine, it isn’t his fault, it is mine… I… I did…_**

“Ohhhh gods…” He whimpered, falling to his side in the snow as his strength abandoned him; he had nothing left to keep him up, keep him going.

He heard footsteps crunching through the snow before a warm body knelt down next to him. “Optimus, I am going to pick you up, alright? We need to get you warm.”

Theo merely moaned as warm strong arms slipped under him, yet he did flinch at the touch and Megatron had to bite his lip to keep from growling.

“Optimus, did he do more than hit you?” He asked, forcing his voice to remain even and soft.

Theo’s reaction was instant, his eyes flew open, dripping with tears as he grabbed ahold of the taller man’s jacket. “Don’t hurt him! It isn’t his fault! I did this! I… Ohhhh…” His voice stopped working as his sobbing became so violent his entire body shook with them and he curled into Megatron’s arms to hide.

Megatron stared down at the man he held, his fury eating at his spark as he scanned over the busted lip and beginning of a black eye.

“Lord Megatron, blanket.”

Megatron looked up to find Soundwave standing before him with the small throw. “Thank you.” He answered gruffly, allowing Soundwave to help him wrap it around Optimus. The smaller man was growing quieter with every minute, his exhaustion replacing his fear and sorrow and he was quickly succumbing to unconsciousness.

“Want to put him in my car?”

Megatron turned his head as Knockout walked up to him. “There is more space there but, you _will_ drive…”

“Carefully?” Knockout scoffed, sweeping his long hair away indigently. “Of course.” He said sarcastically yet his humor faltered as he glanced at Optimus’s now silent form. He looked to Megatron worriedly.  “My Lord, I think… I think he may have…”

“I _know_.” Megatron grated out through clenched teeth as he began stiffly walking to Knockout’s car.

Knockout pursed his perfect lips before sighing heavily and following his Lord. “Did you kill the mate?” He asked as he opened the door for the two men.

“ _No_.” Megatron answered sharply, his rage making it hard to think straight. “I didn’t even make it upstairs before you called, but I saw the mess in the hall and… If he has hurt Optimus the way I _think_ he has I… ARRRGH! I should have _ripped him apart_!”

“Lord Megatron. Optimus requested lack of retalia…”

“I KNOW!” Megatron yelled and both Knockout and Soundwave stepped back from the leader. “Arrgh, I am sorry. Let us go. He is freezing and his clothes are soaked.” He said wearily as he carefully maneuvered both him and Optimus into the back of Knockout’s car.

Soundwave shut the door after him, his purple-blue optics glancing at Knockout worriedly. “Caution is advised.” He said as he made his way back to the truck.

“Caution, yeah… I know.” Knockout muttered as he moved his frame into the driver’s seat and shut the door.

Both vehicles fired to life their lights blasting through the storm before they took off to one of their hideouts.

Megatron held Optimus close, his spark aching as he wondered what damage he would find once he could see the smaller mech in actual light. **_Fraggin human manufactured optics, they are useless in the dark._**

His servo gently brushed some of Optimus’s hair out of his face and he scowled darkly at the wounds he uncovered. **_Optimus, just what happened to you tonight? What is going to happen now? You are back in my arms only because of circumstance but are you willing to stay here or, or will I lose you again? Lose you to an ungrateful false mate that… That has hurt you worse than…_**

He sighed, lifting his helm as he stared out the side window. **_Than I used to?_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arrrgh, shake off the darkness! ((((SHHHHHAAAAKE)))) SO... At least he is now with Megatron, yay! Alcohol is a bitch and can destroy some people like whoa, but if you hadn't noticed the little bits Alex let slip in his drunken stupor, he isn't all he seems to be anyways.... -.- Anywho, hope I didn't scar you all terribly and I look forward to the next chapter, let the healing begin. :)


End file.
